Television for Two
by ectomorphicon
Summary: It has been six years since Zim landed on Earth. Some things have changed. Other things have not. Forced to find shelter within Tak's base, Dib makes the deadly would-be Invader an unusual offer, and more unusual than that, Tak accepts. What harm could a little television cause?
1. Chapter 1: Eye of the Storm

**Chapter One: Eye of the Storm**

 **Disclaimer: Invader Zim is the property and trademark of Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only, with no profit being made from its existence.**

* * *

Six years ago, Dib Membrane's life was changed forever when an alien named Zim touched down upon the earth. The Irken, for that was what Zim's people were called, came to the earth to see it overthrown and subjugated in the name of his race. Dib, in return, dedicated his time and efforts to thwarting Zim's plans and operations on Earth. In those six years, much changed between the two and their little private war.

On the other hand... some things never changed.

"And boom goes the dynamite," Dib said weakly, coughing slightly as his thumb pressed down upon the remote detonator in his hand. "Victory for Dib, heh," he managed out, smirking at the theft of his foe's favorite line, even as he struggled to remain standing and conscious, battered and bruised as he was. Before his eyes, explosions rocked the great mechanical tower that stood alone in the fields before igniting into a great colum of flame.

Dib was only vaguely aware of the fact that he was at risk of being hit by flaming debris, given his sorry state. Bruises all over his frame, cuts here and there, his trench coat scorched and burned... it was a miracle that the eighteen year old was still in one piece. Up in the skies, the clouds still swirled in a gray vortex that grew darker by the moment, a residual effect of the tower's earlier activation.

Dib fell down to his knees, panting heavily. "Gonna... gonna give you this, Zim..." he murmured, his hands on the ground as he struggled to stay up. "Reaaallly went all out... didn't think you had it in you anymore..." he chuckled bitterly. "Shows what I know, eh?"

He felt something cold and wet against his face, and he looked up. Rain. It was beginning to rain. Already he could hear the thunder. He tried to stand up, only to stumble back and fall onto the grass below. He felt tired. So very tired.

"Really though... making it rain...?" Dib said, his voice a tired murmur. "Storm machine seems a bit counter productive for you... but hey, what else is new, eh?"

His vision was getting blurry. Things were getting dark. Suddenly he heard something, the familiar sound of an Irken hover engine, and he felt something heavy land close by. A figure now loomed over him, not particularly tall but still imposing from his lowly angle. For a second he thought it might be Zim, but he could see no sign of the telltale antenna. Then who...?

Suddenly it clicked into place, and Dib gave a tired, bitter (and somewhat undirected) glare. Oh yes, he knew who this was, and it wasn't Zim. Zim would have been a massive stroke of good luck compared to who held power over his life now. "Oooooh poop..." he groaned out, too tired to move or to even feel the very natural and needed sense of panic he knew he should be feeling. The winds howled and the sky began to rumble, clouds illuminating momentary as the lightning course.

It was right then and there that his body and mind gave out, and darkness claimed him, blissful unconsciousness washing over him. His mind from there on was a haze as it entered the realm of dreaming, with no sense of time to constrain it. Images sped in and out and blurred into one, some of them memories, some of them conjured from his own imagination. A pattern emerged of a particular individual, someone closer to nemesis than friend and yet perched precariously upon that more benign extreme all the same, evoking feelings of dread and wonder in the young man.

The visions, the memories and dreams grew more and more intense by the moment, until finally he could take it no longer.

His eyes shot open, his body drenched in cold sweat as he sat up, heart thundering in his chest as a single name escaped his lips.

"TAK!"

He panted lightly, in a slight panic, reaching for his chest to hold over his thundering heart. The first thing he noticed was how that name echoed around him. Not a good sign. Echoes implied something cavernous. Cavernous implied isolated. Isolation plus Irken equaled a potentially dead Dib. Not good. Not good at all.

Once he calmed down some, he tried to take in his settings in a rational manner... shocking, he realized he had been laying atop a couch. A very nice couch, luxuriously cushioned and with more than enough space to accommodate him. The room he was in was indeed a large one, but rather than the twisting towers of alien technology and cabling he had been expecting, this was instead a very well furnished and decorated living room area, a very ritzy one at that. "Wha...?" for a moment he was confused. Tak had had him at her mercy, so surely, she would have taken him down into the depths of her base to put an end to him? From the looks of things though, she had simply opted to dump him into the mansion she'd comandeered for her operations on Earth.

"Oooh-kay..." he said carefully as he stood up. "Time to take stock. On the plus side? I'm still alive. Minus side? Totally at Tak's mercy. Okay, gotta focus, gotta focus and NOT panic..." he looked around carefully. "Maybe she's busy with something else and I can-"

"Oh, I'm afraid escape is quite impossible."

Dib went stock still at the sound of the refined, female voice. He swallowed slightly, eyes darting around for signs of the illusive would-be invader. He forced himself to calm again, determined to at least construct a veneer of playing it cool. "Thought so," he said wearily, before putting on a determined look and putting on his 'defender of humanity voice'. "I don't know what you're trying to pull here, Tak, but it isn't gonna work! Whatever you're scheming, know now that I am going to-!"

Suddenly there was a bright flash and the sound of thunder, and Dib could swear that the house had shaken from the force of the sound. He yelped and went spilling back in a panic, immediately becoming entangled in the decorative sheets of the couch before rolling down to the floor with a loud thud, landing on his back. He let out a pained groan, staring up at the ceiling balefully. So much for playing it cool.

A chuckle echoed around him, amused yet devoid of mirth. "I am sure that was an impressive threat you were mustering, Dib, but sadly it would have been wasted- you are in NO position to do anything," Tak said, still unseen by Dib despite his best efforts. Suddenly the air before him started to ripple, and there, looming above him was Tak, undisguised and for all to see. She was taller now than when she had first come- all of the Irkens were, though none of them would ever be considered 'tall' by the standards of most people on Earth. Why this was, Dib could only speculate, but speculate he did. He even speculated about a few... other changes the Irkens had undergone, since coming to live on earth, though he didn't DARE share anything about *that* with anyone.

Tak was smirking down at him, a catlike expression that never boded well. Speaking of cats, a disguised Mimi was suddenly by her side, before her own disguise shimmered away to reveal the true, modified SIR unit underneath. "I believe there is a saying on your planet that is VERY appropriate for this occasion, Dib," she said smoothly. "Welcome to my parlor..."

"...said the spider to the fly," Dib finished glumly, squirming in his cloth prison before at last giving up, defeated. "Complete with a web," he muttered.

"An unforseen, if rather enjoyable development," Tak said, her smirk blooming into a wickedly gleeful grin. "And what shall the spider do to this juicy little fly?" she cooed mockingly, her PAK-legs lurching towards Dib.

Dib's eyes shot open and he began to thrash about frantically. "Wait, wait, hold it! Don't-!"

The powerful limbs clasped around Dib's encased form, lifting him up, and Dib cringed away, preparing for what was surely to be the death blow... only to suddenly find his cloth prison loosening around him, allowing him to drop down on his feet before Tak, her legs working at high speed to place the coverings back on the couch, as if they'd never been disturbed to begin with. Dib looked to Tak curious, prompting a derisive snort. "Oh please, Dib, you should be aware by now that if I wanted you dead, I would have finished you then and there in the field. Her face twisted into an evil smile. "Zim is the one I want to take my time with," she hissed out. A moment later she was now regarding Dib curiously, brow raised along with an antenna. "I admit, my interest is piqued- how were you able to tell that it was me?"

"Simple- you still had your disguise on," Dib said, brushing his arm absently before continuing on. "I was blacking out already by the time you got there, but I could see and hear enough to notice a few things. Firstly, the sound your ship makes? It's different to Zim's Zoot Cruiser or my ship." At the mention of 'his' ship, Tak gave Dib an ugly look, and Dib smiled nervously. "Yeeaaaah, still sore about that, huh?" he chuckled slightly before continuing. "But anyway, besides that? Even if I couldn't see the features, I could tell you had your disguise on. Zim wouldn't bother with his, that far out and with nobody to see but me. You on the other hand would take no chances, at all." He then rubbed the back of his head, the instinct to ramble taking over swiftly. "I mean yeah, in theory Skoodge might've come over but ah... yeah, not gonna be mistaking him for you anytime soon, under ANY circumstance, heh..."

Tak listened to the analysis, her perturbed expression slowly washing away into something decidedly more neutral as he carried on, and once more the brow was up. "All that while struggling to remain conscious. I admit, Dib, I am... sufficiently satisfied by your explanation," she said. Naturally she refrained from saying 'impressed'. She would never use that word around Dib. Ever.

Despite that, Dib was able to manage a small smile. "Heh. I'll take that as a rave review, coming from you," he quipped lightly, only to let out a loud yelp when another flash of lightning and world shaking clap of thunder broke out. "Cripes!" Dib yelled out, looking towards one of the distant window. "It's still going on?" he asked, incredulous to see that despite his seeming destruction of Zim's little doomsday weapon, the weather machine still seemed to be going off as planned.

"Recall how I said escape was impossible, Dib?" Tak said, a large hover monitor floating down as she spoke. "It is not because of anything I might do to you- but rather because you really have no other safe options available."

As soon as she stopped speaking the monitor activated, a frantic news man on screen as he hastily read from his notes, the screen behind him demonstrating images as he spoke. "-freak storm affecting the surrounding area! Curiously, this unusual weather phenomenom is perfectly circular and shows no sign of expanding outward, but we are receiving reports of extreme winds and mass lightning! Everyone in the affected is advised to stay indoors, and all traffic has been suspended until the crisis ends. I repeat, all people in the affected area are advised to-"

The screen turned off, and Tak looked over to Dib impassively. "I take it you've gotten the gist of things, yes?"

"Yeah, I got the message," Dib said with a groan, taking his glasses off to rub at the bridge of his nose. "Craaaaap. I destroyed Zim's weather machine, but he managed to fire off a shot before I blew it up. This is all happening because I wasn't fast enough. Wonderful. Just... wonderful."

"As opposed to your flawless track record of nipping Zim's little schemes in the bud before they bloom into catastrophe?" Tak drawled out, scoffing lightly as she gave a dismissive wave of her arm. "You give yourself FAR too much credit, human."

"...you know if it wasn't for the fact that that's actually a pretty fair point, I'd be really ticked off with you right now," Dib said flatly before sighing. "Either way, doesn't do much to change the fact that I'm stuck here." _And completely at your mercy,_ he added silently.

A cold smile came over Tak's face. "Yes indeed, Dib. You are entirely subject to my hospitality, at least until the storm ends. Aren't we fortunate?" she said, that smile spreading to become a chilling grin. "Oh, worry not Dib-monkey, I am nothing if not a generous hostess, especially to those who have consistently proven themselves to be so useful to me."

"Small comfort," Dib said, though he took care not to come off as TOO insolent. "But... thanks, Tak. For saving me and for letting me crash here. Not that I got much of a choice."

"Your thanks is duly noted," Tak said primly. "Understand though that I have no intention of letting you out of my sight. I am not so foolish as to leave you unsupervised within any of *my* facilities, and I warn you right now," she jutted a pointed finger against Dib's nose. "If you attempt any of your usual information gathering antics, I *will* cripple you, understood?"

Dib raised his hands defensively, frowning down at her. "I get it, I get it, alright?! Would you just calm down already, sheesh! I'm not gonna try anything so long as you don't try anything, and trust me after the day I've had, I just wanna find a nice, quiet place to sit down and wait out the storm, and that is *all*. Got it?"

Tak sneered. "Don't you DARE speak to me so lightly, Dib, not here! Not in my base!" she shot back.

"I am *NOT* taking you lightly!" Dib shouted back, frustration boiling over before he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, his tone almost pleading. "I'm just... very tired, alright? Not just from ruining Zim's stupid plan, just... this, all of this!" he said, spreading his arms randomly. "I'm not asking you to trust me, but given all the crap we've been through together, I'd like to think we could at least interact with one another without having to worry about all the usual cloak and dagger waltz of the damned crap that we always do when we're not on Skool grounds! Is that REALLY so much to ask?"

Tak said nothing in response to this, withdrawing her hand from his face and instead glaring up at him as he launched into his little tirade. When he finished, her expression remained unchanged, at least at a first glance. Dib swore he saw something- a twitch of the mouth, a motion of the brow, something about her face softening for a microsecond- but nothing he could properly hone in on and pursue, nothing that couldn't be dismissed as the result of his very over-active imagination.

Her hostile stance and expression did calm into something more traditionally neutral. "Just so long as we understand one another," she said tersely. Mimi, forgotten by the both of them in their little exchange, looked from Tak and then to Dib, tilting her head curiously before Tak swung on her heel, her back to Dib. "This mansion has guest quarters. You are free to use them until the storm is over," she said, and began to march forward, Mimi following suite. "Come."

Dib followed after her, staying quiet for a moment before his natural curiosity overtook him. "So, uh... Tak. How did you know to find me?"

"I didn't," Tak said, looking over her shoulder at him and then away, frowning slightly. "I don't know how, but Zim managed to pull off this disastrous plan of his without tripping up once. Either I'm losing my edge or that miserable little maggot," her fist tensed as she mentioned the hated one, the bane of her existence, "Is actually starting to learn a thing or two. I never would have suspected him of having the audacity to try and turn this planet's damnable weather patterns against it, though perhaps I should have prepared for his stupidity prompting him to try it. Anyway... the storm came as a surprise, and my equipment detected the use of Irken technology at the source. I flew there to inspect the source and hopefully disrupt things. Imagine my surprise to find the machine already blown to pieces, and you half-dead," she drawled out. She smirked slightly, glancing back at Dib. "Blowing up Zim's insipid projects intentionally, Dib? You really ARE getting better at this..." she then turned away again, her brow furrowed once more. "Now if only I could figure out where and how Zim got the idea to do this, and how he was able to do it without *me* noticing...!"

"Eh-heh... funny thing about that..." Dib said meekly, rubbing the back of his head. "I might have... kinda...sorta... been responsible...?"

Tak stopped in her tracks, whipping around to face Dib, flabbergasted. "...what?" she said, dumbfounded and quiet. "You... YOU gave him the idea...?" she asked, and Dib could already see the murderous rage developing, threatening to boil over. The vein throbbing on her head was a pretty clear sign.

For the second time that night, Dib raised his arms defensively, though this time he backed away just to make sure. "Not like that!" he yelped. "Please, I promise, I did not GIVE him the idea for a weather machine! But I did kinda... prompt him into it?"

Tak's jaw set, and her eyes narrowed. "Explain. Now."

"I made the mistake of implying that Zim wasn't really as into conquering Earth as he liked to rave about," Dib said, rubbing his arm as he sheepishly looked away. "And I... might've pointed out how he was doing his plans with less and less frequency compared to the early days and, well, long story short, he decided to prove me wrong."

Tak buried her face into the palm of her hand. "I am starting to think I have vastly overestimated your intellect, Dib."

"Yeah, that's fair," Dib admitted with a sheepish smile. "But hey, at least you know what he can do when motivated, right?" he offered up weakly, grasping at whatever straw he could to salvage the situation.

"Hmm, a not unworthy point," Tak said, looking up to him and tapping her chin. "Hm. You are becoming very good at this. Salvaging your mistakes and errors and turning them into advantages, I mean." An faraway look came over her now. "It is a shame that you-" she caught herself before she could finish, almost looking startled. She turned around immediately. "Come, we have taken too much time on getting you to your room as is."

Dib wasn't a fool. He'd seen it. That moment where she'd realized she'd almost said too much. He logged it in the back of his head, and followed after her dutifully. "Well given how big this place is, maybe not," he mused as he looked around. "So... this is your mansion base, eh?" he said. "You know, I don't think I've ever been in this part of the mansion before."

"Ah, glorious. Small talk," Tak drawled. "No, Dib, you have not been in this particular section before. You've always focused your efforts around the northern quarter. This is the southern quarter."

Dib let out an impressed whistle. "Man. I knew this place was big, but I didn't realize it was *this* big." Privately he wondered if it said something about Tak in particular or Irkens in general.

"What can I say. My 'father' was fond of what passes for luxury among your people," Tak said airily, an antenna quirking up in curiosity as she looked over at Dib. "Your father has comparable wealth. More than comparable. Why do you and your family live in such relatively humble conditions, then?"

"Ah, that's just dad," Dib said with a shrug. "Dad loves science and pushing the boundaries, but beyond that he enjoys what he already knows. He grew up in a house like that, so we live the way we do. Same reason he sends me and Gaz to public school rather than a private place... I think he feels it's character building or something." Dib rolled his eyes. "Nevermind that educational standards were a lot higher back when he was a kid."

"Hmf. How very... human," Tak said with a light sneer. "I would think a man as enamored with science as your father would find it far more logical to ensure his offspring have access to better resources than the average specimen of monkey on this planet."

"Apes, Tak," Dib said patiently. "We've been through this, humans are *apes*, not monkeys. Also, there IS a logic to it- he went to public school and did okay, so from his perspective, the same could hold true for Gaz and me," he continued, feeling a small need to defend his father's choices even if they didn't always make the most sense.

Tak rolled her eyes, or at least the nearest Irken equivalent. "That does not discount the detail that with the resources at his disposal, you and your sibling should enjoy access to greater advantages than your so-called 'peers'. Were it not for his useless attraction to some abstract ideal about the conditions he grew up in, you would not have to float around in the sea of wanton ignorance that is otherwise known as your classmates," she said. "Your people would benefit greatly from the Irken system."

"What, you mean having knowledge downloaded directly via the Pak?" Dib said idly, prompting Tak to halt suddenly and whip around to face him.

"How do you know that!?" she demanded sharply.

Dib smirked, pleased to have finally managed a small victory over her. "I've been watching Zim and raiding his base for data for nearly a decade now," Dib said casually. "Picked up a few things in the process. Gotta say, I'm not really seeing the benefit of the Irken system of education."

"Oh that miserable little-!" Tak growled out angrily, rubbing at the temples of her head. "He'll be the death of the Empire one day, you hear me? Somehow that defective worm is going to be the end of it all."

"Sooo I *shouldn't* stop him on Earth then and find a way to get him back to Irk, is that what you're telling me?" Dib said, grinning now.

" _You will cease and desist so much as *fantasizing* about such a thing you-!_ "

Dib let out an amused chuckle. "I kid, I kid, calm down," he said. "Besides, my main concern is making sure he doesn't wind up blowing up *my* planet first."

Tak forced herself to do just as Dib suggested. "Yes... yes... and in doing so provide me ample time to go over my own plans," she said, more to herself than to him though. She then looked over her shoulder, towards a closed door at the end of the massive hallway. "Hm. We have arrived. Mimi, if you could be so kind?"

With a flash of red-eyes, the SIR united saluted and raced to the door, opening it in an instant. Tak led Dib inside, giving Dib a moment to observe his accomodations- a spacious room with a large bed, a closet, a desk, a personal bathroom area and a rather sizable television.

Dib let out a whistle. "Not bad. Not bad at all," he said as he stepped in, looking around admiringly.

"I am sure it's lovely by the human reckoning of such things," Tak said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "You are permitted full access to the entertainment system and facilities, and should you require sustenance simply push that button," she pointed to a button connected to a speaker next to the bed. "A service drone will attend to you, and yes, the food IS human food."

"Thought about everything, huh?"

"My 'father's' job requires that he attend to guests, on occasion," Tak said. "Thus, a supply of human foodstuffs is kept on base at all times. You are more than capable of deciphering facilities and systems of this room on your own, and with that I take my leave. Remember, Dib, I have this room monitored at all times and-"

"Yeah, I know, I know," Dib said with a heavy sigh. "If I stray too far away I'll end up as swiss cheese. I'm not an idiot you know."

"Normally, no, but you ARE prone to lapses in poor judgement," Tak countered, and began to head for the door, stopping only to flinch when she heard another crack of thunder. "Gah. When this is over remind me to do something horrible to Zim at Skool. It's bad enough this planet's entire biosphere is dead set on terminating Irken life, but for him to provoke it like this..."

"Would you really need me to REMIND you to do something to Zim?" Dib pointed out.

"Point taken," Tak conceded. "Come, Mimi. We've spent enough time on our... extremely temprory guest," she said with a sniff, turning around to head out. "There is work to be done."

That word. That was a bad word, coming from Tak. A word that implied terrible, terrible things in the future. Dib looked at her warily. "And what kind of 'work' would that be, Tak?"

Tak froze in place, not looking at him. "...if I were to tell you it's not the kind of work you think it is, would you drop the matter?" she asked. This gave Dib pause. Normally Tak was a very good liar, even after the years he'd known her, and he knew enough to know that if she wanted to dissuade him from something, she would never simply up and say it. That she was doing so now was good cause to be alert, but what really caught his attention was her tone- she sounded tired, almost pleading. It was... very much unlike Tak, and Dib was taken aback by it.

"Yeah. That'll do," he said. A thought then came to him. "How important is it?"

Tak shuddered in anger, her antenna twitching as she glared at him from over her shoulder. "Oh you miserable little dirt pig! I should have known better than to-!"

"I'm not trying to find out what you're doing," Dib said quickly. "I promise I'm not, and I'm not asking if it's important to pry. I just want to know if it is important to *you*, because I wanted to propose something."

Tak turned fully now, still angry and eyes narrowed as she glared at him. "You get one chance, Dib. One chance. Only one."

"Well..." Dib rubbed his arm. "I feel kinda silly for asking but, well... I mean, the only thing I can really do until the storms stop is sit around watching TV. So I guess what I'm saying is... care to join me?"

THAT took Tak by surprise, and she stared at him as if he had lost his mind. "I *beg* your pardon?"

"You heard me," Dib said. "Sitting alone in a room for several hours while my brain rots on television isn't all that appealing. Having someone to share that with though? That at least could be a bit more enjoyable, perhaps."

It was ludicrous. It was the single most ludicrous thing she had heard out of his mouth, and considering the various things she'd heard him say over the years at both the Skools and elsewhere, that was saying something. "It's finally happened," she murmured. "You really HAVE lost your mind. What in Irk's name would possess you to think that I would ever indulge such a request?" she said, voice breaking into a slight laugh, unable to hold it back in the face of such an absurd and stupidly bold request.

"A potential break from routine," Dib said. "I'm going to take a wild guess and suggest that, when not at Skool, all of your free time is spent focusing on some plan or the next to either conquer Earth or take down Zim, right?"

"Right," Tak said, eying him warily. "And...?"

"You've been doing this for years. Why not, I dunno, take a break?" Dib said. "You've already said what you're working on 'isn't what I think it is', and if that's the case, then I'm not really doing anything to interfere with your plans to begin with. So I'm asking, how important is this work really? Is it so important that not doing it one day would ruin your life?"

Tak's expression softened, and a very rarely seen expression molded it's way onto her nearly featureless face- uncertainty. Even Mimi took note of it, looking up at her mistress with a curious tilt of her head. "It... is not THAT urgent, no," she said slowly, giving him a wary glance. "What makes you think though that I would do this?"

"For a change of pace, and well... don't you get a little tired of it?" Dib asked. "Day in and day out, I'm either going at it with Zim or allying with him against you or going against you solo or you and Zim go at it while I'm not around, and that's not even mentioning all the weird crap that seems to follow us all around even when nothing else is happening. Over and over we all do this. Don't you feel just a little bit sick of it?"

Tak opened her mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out, the uncertainty becoming even more evident in her. After a moment of thought, she found her words. "Alright. I will concede that maybe, just maybe, you have a point. What do you hope to gain from this, then?" she asked suspiciously.

"Same thing I get whenever we're at skool," Dib said without skipping a beat. "Someone to talk to. Someone on my level. Someone who doesn't think I'm crazy. Come on, Tak, if I can buy into you being honest when you say I got nothing to worry about when it comes to your research, then maybe it's possible that I just wanna hang out, without any kind of ulterior motive?"

Tak stared at him, long and hard before shaking her head. "You are insane," she muttered, glowering slightly, shaking her head. "And your insanity is contagious, because that is the only *rational* explanation for why I would even be vaguely tempted by this ridiculous proposal of yours," she continued, looking back to him with her antenna pinned against her head.

Dib didn't lose his smile. "Is that a 'yes'~?" he asked in a teasing, sing-song voice.

Tak looked at him narrowed eyes. "It is a concession to certain points you made, not an approval," she stated sharply, pointing at him accusingly. "Understand that? I am only doing this because you have managed to provide enough evidence to suggest that this scenario may provide me insight where previous attempts at similar have failed."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Dib said with a shrug, heading over to the bed and patting a spot beside him. "Don't suppose you have any popcorn around here?"

Tak said nothing for a moment, before marching over to the bed and taking seat next to Dib. Mimi perked up and, quick as a flash, she was between her mistress and Dib. Tak stared at the television balefully. "Computer- send a drone to the back guest room with refreshments," she said tersely. A few moments later, a small, circular robotic drone floated in with a tray in hand, and upon the tray was a soda can, a glass of a liquid that Dib couldn't identify, and none other than a large bowl of popcorn.

"Wow, really?" Dib said. "I was kinda joking about the popcorn. But I'm not complaining," he said as he took the poop cola and the popcorn, looking at Tak curiously. "You like popcorn?"

"It is among those earth foodstuffs I can consume without issue. That, and it goes good with salt," Tak said, grabbing a handful of the stuff and munching down upon it. "Well, human? On with the show!"

"Right, right," Dib muttered, looking around for the remote and grabbing it, pointing it towards the television. "And so, we take your first step into the way of the couch potato."

"Oh joy," Tak drawled out, before raising a hairless brow and looking to Dib. "What do potatoes have to do with this...?"

Dib just grinned, and with a single motion of his finger, the television was on.


	2. Chapter 2: Way of the Potato

**Chapter Two: Way of the Potato**

 **Disclaimer: Invader Zim is the property and trademark of Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only, with no profit being made from its existence. Any other properties referenced or mentioned are copyrighted to their creators and corporations.**

It took a bit of channel surfing, but a film ripe for mockery came to Dib's attention soon. It was an old film, foolish and designed purely for entertaining the masses. One sequence in particular caught Tak's attention.

"What?" she said flatly. "I... what? Are they serious? They're going to disable these attackers with... with a computer virus?" Her normally controlled voice was unable to contain her rising incredulity.

"Eeeyup," Dib said lazily.

"That's preposterous!" Tak snapped, glaring at the television and gesturing wildly towards it. "There is at least a several thousand year gap in the two peoples technologies! Why would they have the same operating system?!"

Dib resisted the urge to snicker, instead settling on a knowing smirk. "Why indeed..."

Tak's antenna twitched. "What was that, human?" she asked, glancing at him suspiciously.

"Nothing, Tak, nothing at all~"

Tak glared at him for a moment before refocusing on the film, absently munching on popcorn while rolling her eyes (or at least the nearest Irken equivalent) at the film's impending climax. "Oh of course THAT would be the death blow to an otherwise near invincible fleet of a species thousands of years in advance of humanity. Ha! Such pathetic propaganda."

"To be fair, the critics kinda called bullcrap on that one too," Dib pointed out. "I'm curious, Tak. Do Irkens have anything like this?"

"Eh?"

"You know, this," Dib said, pointing to the movie. "Stories about Irkens overcoming impossible odds by the skin of their teeth?"

"Don't be absurd," Tak said haughtily. "We have no need for fiction when we have the glories of our own history to inspire us, and history shows that all challengers who have arisen were crushed with ease."

Mimi would make her own presence known by slamming her small metal fist against her chest before pumping it in the air, a show of allegiance to her empire and her mistress, prompting a pleased smirk from Tak.

Dib raised a brow. "Really? Not even to speculate a little?"

"Why would we require 'speculation' when our supremacy is self-evident?" Tak countered. "Our past history serves to inspire us to the great truth of the present- that we are the mightiest, and all will fall before that might. 'Speculation', as such, is irrelevant."

"Sooo basically what you're telling me is that these little history shows are basically the same thing, over and over, with no variation?" Dib asked carefully. "Doesn't that seem kind of boring though?"

"Boredom is meaningless, so long as the message is clear," Tak said, though Dib noted there was a bit of terseness to her voice. Mimi by contrast seemed curious, her red optic lenses retracting slightly as she tilted her head, almost as if scrutinizing Dib.

"Boredom as entertainment? Cool beans," Dib drawled out. "I'm just saying, overcoming odds despite your limitations makes for a more compelling story than just rolling over everything without any issue. Its more impressive that way."

Tak looked at him with a puzzled expression. Mimi for her part began to rub her metallic chin before looking up to Tak and shrugging. Tak looked down at her SIR unit, her face scandalized and outraged. "W-What?! What do you MEAN he has a point? You little traitor!" she snapped. Mimi gestured some more. Tak crossed her arms in a huff. "Oh sure when you put it like THAT it all sounds PERFECTLY reasonable. Except for the part that it came from a human!"

"Uh, hey, the 'human' is in the room, ya know," Dib pointed out with a flat glare. "How do you even understand Mimi anyway? I don't hear a thing."

"That is because she is directly transmitting the messages to my PAK, human," Tak said, putting a special disdainful emphasis on the word 'human', pouting slightly.

"Huh. Neato," Dib said, tilting his head quizically. "So, not much of a market for speculative fiction on Irk then, eh?"

"... not really, no," Tak said. "And even if it were, it would not be in the same manner as this human film. Individual effort, defiance of authority, these are not things appreciated by the empire. Everything you are, you owe to the Empire, and you must never, ever forget that."

Dib swore he could detect a bit of melancholy in her words, a slight quirk of her face to indicate a frown. He tried to dismiss it as the result of his own overactive imagination, eager to project something he could work with in her. It was a dangerous thing to presume such things from an alien. Especially an extremely cunning alien like Tak. Instead, he focused his attention back upon the television remote in hand.

"Well, that's one movie down. Ready to continue plunging the mysteries of the idiot box?"

Tak almost looked relieved to see things back on track. "Very well. If nothing else, you give me something to laugh at."

"Atta girl," Dib said with a small mile. Mimi gazed at the television expectantly, and without another word Dib changed the channel.

* * *

The next program would consist of a subject near and dear to his heart, and this time around, it would be his turn to yell and rant.

"Oh come ON!" Dib hollared at the television, gesturing wildly. "That's a mummified monkey sewed to a dead fish! You can see the stitching! It *isn't* a mermaid!"

Tak watched his tirade with an amused smirk. "Dib Dib Diiib, do calm down," she said airly as she took a sip from a freshly procured drink. "It is, after all, only a television program~" she said, words tinged with a deep sadistic joy at seeing the human so wound up. Mimi let out a series of electricl chirping sounds, the robotic equivalent of a belly laugh.

"That's not the point!" Dib hollered, face red. "Somebody paid money for this! Somebody put time and effort into making this, into hiring people and pitching it to a television network! Somebody went through all that effort in the name of a *blatant lie* and then presented this whole thing as a truthful documentary while not providing so much as a shred of *plausible* research, let alone anything concrete! It's crazy! And stupid! AND EVEN MORE CRAZY!"

When he was finished, Dib was left physically panting, and Tak for her part was doing everything in her power to not burst out laughing. No undignified displays of intense joy in front of the human, oooh no. She actually had to bite down on her lip before composing herself. "I really fail to see the problem, Dib. That program you are so fond of... oh, what is it called... ah yes, Mysterious Mysteries. You seem inordinately fond of that program, and yet from what I gather, it is hardly a fountain of legitimate knowledge."

"Mysterious Mysteries is a niche program that tries to raise awareness of paranormal matters on Earth. Yes, sometimes it slides into promoting blatantly fake stuff, and when it does I'm there to call them out on it, but at the end of the day, nothing that Mysterious Mysteries does *begins* to compare to this," he said, pointing to the faux-documentary still in progress. He looked to Tak questioningly. "Kinda surprised you know enough about Mysterious Mysteries to make that distinction. I thought you didn't watch television?"

"I don't. You speak so often about it I decided to peruse it momentarily to see what the fuss was all about," Tak said. "Again, I must wonder what, exactly, that show has over this current program with regards to matters of the truth."

Dib glowered lightly at Tak, arms crossed over his chest. "Okay, the difference is..." he paused a moment, trying to find the right words. "The difference is that Mysterious Mysteries does try to inform people about the paranormal, while presenting itself as an entertainment program. _That_ , on the other hand," he said, glaring icily at the television for a moment. "Is nothing but entertainment that's passing itself off as legitimate knowledge. That's what's so insulting about it. It's pretending to be something it isn't."

"I am well acquainted with your dislike of deception, yes," Tak said with a light drawl. Her smirk was gone now, and she was concentrating her gaze on Dib, face neutral as she spoke. "Though, I suspect that it is more than a mere dislike for misrepresenting the truth. The fact that it so gleefully touts itself as being even remotely truthful or speculative, and the receptiveness of your people to it despite you feeling they should know better... that's what's bothering you, isn't it, Dib? You see this, and you see in it your people's willful acceptance to being deceived. Drive's you mad, doesn't it, Dib?" she said, her voice a soft purr by now.

Dib felt his brow wrinkle, feeling his hair stand on the back of his neck at being so easily read and analyzed by Tak. He tried his best to not seem unnerved by her words. His success was abysmal. "Uh..." he began dumbly. "Y-Yeah, something like that," he said, voice quiet as he sat back down.

"Excellent~," Tak said, not bothering to hide how pleased she seemed by the admission. "I should think the contact and observation over the years HAS given me some form of insight into your being, Dib."

 _Feeling's mutual,_ Dib said to himself mentally. "Evidently, it has," he said with a sigh. "Psychoanalysis over faux-documentaries. Didn't see THIS coming at any point in my life."

"Nor I," Tak conceded, squinting slightly as she turned back to the screen. "Truth, or lack therein of the subject material aside, the entire nature of this program seems to be at odds with the channel name. This is a documentary of biology, not history."

"Pft," Dib snorted as he sat back down, reaching for the remote. "Trust me, this channel hasn't been about history in a loooong time," he said, pointing the remote to the TV. "So, we done here?"

"Yes, I've gotten what I needed," Tak said, Mimi nodding her head rapidly.

"Good. Let's see what else is available."

* * *

Moments later, something new would take up their attention, and would prove to be even more confounding to Tak than the film had been.

"I refuse to believe this," Tak said, glaring at the screen. "There is no way that any human could live THAT long while being so clumsy at performing even the most basic tasks."

"Oh relax, Tak, it's just a commercial," Dib said casually, sipping from a newly acquired soda. "It's just trying to catch your attention."

"But this is absurd!" Tak snapped. "Humans are fools, but they're not *that* foolish! Even the mentally deficient students quarantined in the high skool do not demonstrate such bottomless ineptitude!"

"It's not a quarantine, Tak," Dib said patiently.

Tak snorted. "Whatever you tell yourself, Dib."

* * *

In time, the television itself would be ignored by the two in favor of their own discussions, the subjects of which covered the greatest and grandest mysteries of the universe and beyond.

Namely, nachos.

"Man these are good," Dib noted, taking a handful of the cheese coated confections and popping them into his mouth, munching happily before swallowing and continuing to speak. "Would've thought that Irken nachos would do something nasty to me or at least taste bad, but these are actually pretty great."

"In all honesty I am as surprised as you," Tak said idly as she took her own handful. "Though I have long since been forced to use local resources for my sustenance, it would seem that nachos required absolutely no substitutes at all to be made as I remember them."

"I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that somehow, despite the vast, vast distance between our planets and despite the huuuge gap in technology and history, we both somehow managed to come up with Nachos. Irkens and humans, I mean," Dib said, looking at the nacho bowl thoughtfully. "I mean, the universe IS pretty big, so I suppose the law of averages would suggest some things would be made along similar lines, but still..."

"I know how you feel," Tak admitted. "Normally I would take time to note your quaint, limited understanding of the situation given your people's isolation from the wider civilized universe, but... frankly, I am just as stumped as you are. Irken Nachos and Human Nachos should not be as similar as they are, right down to the taste," she noted as she observed a handful of nachos before biting down on them. "Not that I am complaining."

"Ditto," Dib said, taking his own feed of the surprisingly delicious snack. He looked over to her drink, recently refilled, a thoughtful look coming over him as that natural simian curiosity of his took over. "You know, I've seen what human food can do to Irkens... but I don't think I've ever had Irken food before."

"What, the drink?" Tak said, raising a brow and an antenna curiously. "It isn't truly Irken- as I said, I ran out of Irken made foodstuffs long ago. It's a substitute derived from Earthen materials that agree most with my physiology. It SHOULD be safe for you. In theory," she noted idly.

"Oh boy, you just had to say 'in theory'," Dib said with a sigh. "Aw screw it- can I have a sip?"

Mimi looked over at Dib curiously, while Tak sighed and handed over the drink. "If I catch something off of your germs..."

"Tak, You've been here for years already. If there was any kind of bacteria on Earth that was gonna bypass your Pak, it would've happened already," he said dismissively before shooting her a grateful smile. "Thanks, by the way."

"Just get on with it."

Without another word, Dib took a sip of the strange liquid... and very nearly gagged at the flavor and the sheer horrifying amount of a _sweetness_ that assaulted his taste buds. "Hoooof!" he sputtered out, choking slightly as something or the other went down the wrong tube. "MAN that is sweet!" he wheezed out as he continued coughing, much to the amusement of both Mimi and Tak. "What the hell is that, unrefined syrup?"

"You're the human. My frame of reference is sadly limited," Tak said in a slightly sing-song tone of voice as she daintily plucked the glass from Dib's hand, taking a sup of the drink herself, an exaggerated swig while practically moaning out in overplayed delight, delicately wiping her lips and smirking towards Dib when she was finished, eyes half-lidded. "Are we regretting ourselves now, Dib~?" she cooed out, fluttering her eyes for effect.

Dib said nothing for a moment, staring at her and trying his damndest to not blush. Why oh why did her body have to change? Why couldn't she have stayed a tiny, child-shaped creature and not develop into something that *didn't* naturally repulse him? He wondered if she even realized the small-scale war she was setting off within him- that confused innate revulsion and longing for difference that existed within humans, exacerbated by the intertwining of hormones that hadn't quite settled even after puberty had run it's course.

Add in the memories of their first meeting together, of that brief period in Dib's life when he had allowed himself to feel something he had once regarded as impossible for himself...

Mimi tilted her head and turned it to Tak, gesturing towards Dib. Tak raised a hairless brow and set her drink aside. "I don't think so, Mimi... Dib, are you alright?" she asked. The genuine sounding concern in her voice was enough to shock Dib out of his momentary funk.

"Ah, yes, I'm fine," Dib lied quickly, rubbing the back of his head. "Just taking a moment for that stuff to settle... also, congratulations on making something totally toxic for human consumption completely out of earth-based nutrients," he drawled out. "I'll be lucky that stuff doesn't give me diabetes."

"Since when are you lucky?" Tak shot back.

"If you believe Zim, I'm the luckiest guy in the universe," Dib said with a smirk. "How else could a 'mere' human thwart his briiiiiliant doom-laden plans of Ziiiiiiiiim?" He changed his voice to that of a familiar, screeching tenor, even baring his fists and raising them overhead in his little pseudo-rant.

Tak made an odd little sound.

"Did you just laugh?" Dib asked.

"No. No I did not. Anything you heard was merely your inefficient audio-units malfunctioning," Tak said hurriedly. "I... am simply expressing a degree of appreciation for your ability to mimic that deluded little fool," she said in perfectly measured tones. "Well done."

Mimi stared up at her mistress, and while Dib wasn't entirely certain, he could swear she was giving her a flat look. An electric chime came from her, and Tak didn't even look at her as she said "Not now, Mimi."

"Tough crowd," Dib quipped, laying against the bed rest. "Heh. I guess it IS kinda weird that I can sound so similar to the guy though, isn't it?"

"Given your precise relationship, I can't imagine it being a healthy indicator among any species, even among your kind," Tak said as she eye him.

"Friend and enemy is a weirdly razor-thin concept at times," Dib said with a shrug.

"You? Him? Friends?" Tak said incredulously. Mimi for her part silently whirled a finger near her head. Despite the insult implied, Dib managed to laugh all the same.

"I'm not sure what we are by this point really," Dib admitted. "We do stuff like we're enemies, yet... yet in a weird way, we like it the way it is and enjoy this stupid little war, even if I don't think Zim really cares about conquering the planet anymore."

Tak lifted an antenna. "I recall you mentioning something along those lines earlier. What makes you think that this is the case?"

"It's hard to explain," Dib said, staring at the ceiling as he mulled things over. "It's not easy to notice, but there's something different about him. About the way he goes about this. He's still got that gusto of his whenever he's on the warpath, and his plans are still nonsensical but... I duno, it's like he's in it more for the thrill of coming up with a plan, carrying it out and seeing what I might do to stop it then he is in actually conquering the planet. And that's without getting into that one incident..."

"Incident? What incident?"

Dib winced. "Ah, you know what, nevermind."

"Oh no, dear Dib," Tak insisted, poking him in the stomach. "You do not get to bring up something like that, and then leave me hanging. Now talk."

"Alright alright," Dib said, lightly smacking her hand away. "Before you started living here, before Skoodge got here, there was a brief amount of time where I... gave up."

Tak looked legitimately flabbergasted. "But... you never give up!"

"Everyone's got a breaking point Tak," Dib said with a sigh. "I finally reached mine, and I wanted to be done with it. So I gave up paranormal science, and decided to do like my father always wanted and pursue 'REAL SCIENCE!'," Dib said, raising his fist and taking on the usual tone of triumph that his father did when speaking of the subject most dear to him.

Mimi and Tak looked around. "Where did that music come from?" she asked warily.

"What?"

"Ah, nevermind," Tak said hurriedly. "So you gave up your little private war with Zim... and the planet is still standing?" She asked, disbelieving. " _How?_ "

"Because after I gave up, so did Zim," Dib said. "After making sure I really wasn't going to go back to trying to hunt him, Zim just kinda... shut down," Dib said, frowning at the memory. "He entered some kind of slump. What am I saying, 'slump'? He was downright depressed, and throughout all the time I'd spent working with my dad on real science, Zim just sat around his lair, chowing down and watching television. It got so bad that Gir actually came to my house and begged me to come back and start chasing Zim again."

Tak was giving Dib a look that one might reserve for witnessing someone spontaneously grow an additional head. So was Mimi for that matter. "You've got to be joking me. Zim? _Depressed_?" Her voice cracked into a slight laugh. "That little defect doesn't possess the emotional complexity or range to feel depression. He's too mired in his delusional little world to notice that other beings exist!" She was shouting now, rather angrily at that. Bitterly even.

Dib raised his hands protectively. "Look, I'm only telling you what happened, alright?"

"But what you describe is *impossible* for someone like Zim!" Tak hollered. Mimi then pattered her on the shoulder, a series of electronic chirps escaping her vocalizer. Tak began to calm down. "Alright. Very well. You say that he was depressed. What changed then? He was still the same wretch I despised when I returned to this miserable little mudball."

"Well, nice as it was to have my dad praise me for a change, the sad reality was that Real Science bored me," Dib said with a slight shrug. "I was good at it, but in the end it didn't really make me any happier. I was pretending to be someone I wasn't, and I knew it. So after breaking my father's heart, I re-dedicated myself to chasing down Zim. He perked right up, and things returned to normal after that," Dib said with a fond smile, all the while mentally noting that Tak could never, ever, EVER know of his and Zim's precise response to 'getting back together'. Forget Tak, the *world* never needed to know that.

"Unbelievable..." Tak said, shaking her head. "I would accuse you of lying, but I know you are far, far too intelligent to ever believe that I would be taken in by such a pathetic deception, to say nothing of *my* inability to believe you could ever think up something so stupid sounding," she groaned, rubbing at the bridge of where a nose might have been on a human face. "Ugh... trying to process this information is causing my brain AND my pak to ache. Do you see what you've done to me, Dib? If it isn't one thing about this planet, it's another..."

"Man, if I knew just talking about stuff would be enough to do you in, I'd have lured you into a conversation years ago," Dib said with a small smile. "Well after that, things returned to what passes as normal for us. Only not exactly. I'm not sure what to call what we are- friend isn't the right word, but we don't really hate each other enough to be enemies. 'Frenemy' is the best word for it, but Zim hasn't really been the same about the whole 'Invader' thing since then, even though he puts on airs." A sheepish look came over the human as he rubbed his arm. "Of course, after what I said to him, I think he's going to be a bit more determined to prove me wrong..."

"He will never prove you wrong, Dib, for the simple fact that he was never an Invader and never will be," Tak said with a sneer. "He robbed me of my own destiny so that he could try and fool himself into believing he was ever worthy enough to be a member of the Irken Elite."

Dib looked at her for a moment. "Yeah..." he murmured. He had his own thoughts on the subject, but he wasn't about to share them with Tak. He doubted she'd appreciate it. Looking towards the television, he quickly flipped through the guide, and then his eyes shot open in delight. "Oh-oh-oooh!" he said excitedly. "Oh-ho man this is perfect."

Mimi tilted her head and crawled near Dib, looking at the screen questioningly. "And now I am officially frightened," Tak said, crossing her arms. "What could possibly have you so excited? Please tell me that this isn't something to do with that insipid 'Mysterious Mysteries' show."

"Heh, nope," Dib said with a grin. "Let's just say that this is something that is very... 'you'."

"A human program? Appeal to me?" Tak said flatly. "You truly must enjoy the perception of you being insane. You're doing a fine job of convincing me."

"Normally I'd be kinda hurt by that, but not here!" Dib declared without losing that grin. "Trust me on this. This is an old, old, ooold show. Like, it was on back when my great grandfather was just a kid. Back during the days when people gave a crap about quality."

Dib changed the channel, practically bouncing as he bit his lower lip in anticipation. Tak just stared at him in bewilderment. "It can't be that good. You can't possibly expect me to believe it's that good."

"Ah-ah-ah," Dib said, taking her by the chin and gently prompting her to gaze at the screen. "Watch... and be amazed."

As soon as he finished speaking, an upbeat tune began to play. The screen showed an incredibly fake looking collection of planets against a space backdrop. Then, came the first words of the song.

" _In the not too distant future, somewhere in time and space..."_


	3. Chapter 3: Cross the Wires

**Chapter Three: Cross the Wires**

 **Disclaimer: Invader Zim is the property and trademark of Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only, with no profit being made from its existence.**

* * *

"Well? Was I right, or was I right?"

"Yes. You were correct. Now let it go, Dib."

"Oooh-no. Not until you officially admit it and explain why, Tak."

Tak groaned. Why oh why did those two idiotic puppets have to be so amusing? Why had she let her guard down? Why had she actually *laughed* at that entire imbecilic display?

Why did Dib have to be *right*?

"Very well," she said spitfully. "You were... correct. That was... very entertaining. There. Are you happy!?"

"HA! Victory for Dib!" Dib shouted out gleefully, raising his arms high and clutching the remote as if it were a trophy.

"Yes, very nice, victory for you," Tak said flatly. "You must be very proud of yourself. Bravo. Huzzah."

Mimi piped up about something, and all Tak could do was shoot her an icy glare. "Traitor," she muttered.

"You can try all you like Tak, but you are not spoiling this moment for me," Dib said, not losing that pleased grin as he twisted his torso slightly, cartelige cracking from the move.

Tak's antenna shot straight up, her eyes widening as she gazed at Dib in abject horror. "Dib!" she yelped out. "What... what was that? What did you do to yourself?!"

"Huh?" Dib said, a confused look upon his face. "What?"

"That... that popping noise that came from your body!" she yelled, pointing at him accusingly. "What was that?"

Recognition dawned on Dib, and a wicked idea entered his head. "Oh you mean... this?" he asked, twisting his body around to a chorus of pops and cracks.

Mimi put her hands upon her head and let out an electronic scream, and Tak tugged at her antenna. "THAT! Stop that! Stop that at once, it's revolting!"

"Whaaat?" Dib said innocently as he turned his neck to the side, popping that too. "It's perfectly normal, and hey, it feels good."

"YOU ARE LYING!" Tak shrieked, leaping to her feet upon the bed and pointing accusingly at Dib with a shaking finger. "That can't be normal! There is nothing normal about it! Stop torturing yourself just to sicken me, you hear?!"

"Okay, I just gotta..." Dib began before cracking his knuckles, his fingers and his joints. "Aaaand done," he said with a relieved sigh.

"Ggrarrghg..." Tak shuddered in revulsion, poor Mimi doubled over and clutching at her head, hanging it low. "You... you beastly little thing you..." she moaned, shooting Dib a sharp glare. "Think you're clever, do you?" she hissed, and then gave him a cruel smile. "Two can play at this game, Dib."

Dib watched her curiously. "Tak," he began nervously. "What are you-?"

Suddenly her hand was upon one of those large, gemlike eyes of her, and without so much as flinch she squeezed it and pulled it from her head, the stem visibly entering into the black pit of her eye socket.

"GAH!" Dib yelled, wincing as he felt his stomach churn.

"Whatever is the matter, Dib~?" Tak cooed out playfully, holding her eyestalk in and idly twirling her disengaged orb around as if it were a yoyo.

"For the love of God Tak!" Dib groaned out, putting his hands to his face. "Stop that! Please! It's... that... please just stop already!"

"But Dib, I am merely demonstrating a natural facet of my being," Tak said in a faux-innocent tone. "It is through no fault of mine that you are reacting as you are~"

"Oh bullcrap about this being 'natural', I KNOW those are implants!" Dib shouted, pointing at Tak accusingly- not unlike she had been doing earlier with him. Mimi let out a series of chirping 'giggles', pointing towards Dib and prompting a smirk from Tak.

"Oh that is just BAD, Mimi dear," she said. "She says you're getting more bent out of shape than when you were cracking your body, for the record."

Dib was not amused. "Hardy friggin' har har," he drawled out. "Really got my number there, don't ya Mimi? Maybe you ough to ditch the whole 'Invader' thing and pursue a career in stand-up comedy." He then rubbed his face in aggravation. "Tak, please just... eyes are not *meant* to do that. I know it doesn't hurt you, but that doesn't stop the way my brain processes it. I give in. Uncle."

"Now you know how I feel," Tak said primly as she inserted her eye back into it's socket. "Let that be a lesson to you, Dib."

"Wait," Dib said suddenly. "Did you just admit that me popping cartilage freaked you out so much because you were worried I was *hurt*?" He stared at her in astonishment.

"Ye-NO!" Tak said suddenly. "No! I simply found it revolting is all! It had nothing to do thinking you were hurt, you hear me? Nothing!"

Dib knew he had her cornered, and put on the biggest, cheesiest grin that he could. "Aaw, you DO care!" he declared loudly, spreading his arms wide. "Biiiig hug! C'mere, Tak, you know you want it!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Shrieked a half-livid, half-petrified Tak, who scrambled away, only topping once she connected with the bedrest. Her mechanical pak-legs sprang out, and up the wall she went, pinning herself against the ceiling in the process. "COME NO CLOSER HUMAN, I WARN YOU!"

Dib couldn't stop himself from sniggering. "Simmer down Tak," he managed to sputter out, struggling to not laugh out loud. "I'm just kidding."

Unbeknownst to Dib, during the fracas Mimi had managed to maneuver herself behind Dib. Optics narrowed, she rasied her weaponized arm, looking up to her mistress to give the command.

Tak frowned. With a slight mental signal to Mimi, the personalized SIR unit stood down, even as she kept her arms crossed while glowering angrily at Dib. Tak's expression mirrored Mimi's as she lowered herself down.

Suddenly, Dib felt rather awkward. "Eh-heh... didn't realize that it'd freak you out... that badly?" he offered up weakly, before sighing. "Sorry," he said.

Tak's eyes narrowed, and for a second Dib worried that he might have crossed a line. Slowly her legs retracted back into the Pak. A good sign, but nothing to indicate that he was out of the woods just yet. Straightening her posture, she closed her eyes, angular face becoming a mask of calm. "Do not be," she said evenly, opening her eyes to look Dib right in his own. "I... may have overreacted to your little prank."

Dib could only give a confused blink as he tried to process what had just happened. He tried to search for the right words, but only an 'Oh...' managed to escape. "You... sure?" he asked, still cautious.

"I am positive," Tak said in that same measured, perfectly controlled tone of voice. "You threatened me with an irritation. An annoyance at best. To react as I did is unbecoming of a proud member of the Irken elite. It's the kind of thing Zim would do," she said with a sneer. "Ergo, I am perfectly willing to concede that I am the one in error here, and not you."

"Huh. Well," Dib rubbed the back of his head. "Thank you...?"

"You are welcome. Do not become accustomed to this," she said warningly.

"Ah there we go, the customary reminder that you're a dangerous, dangerous lady," Dib remarked dryly. "You already know the answer."

"Have I truly become so predictable?" Tak asked, brow furrowing slightly as she stroked her chin.

"Oh God, please don't tell me you're going to try and tilt the Earth off of it's axis or something now that I said that," Dib said with a despairing groan, burying his face in the palms of his hands. "I really need to learn to shut up."

"A valid insight," Tak said with a slight smile and a nod. "But no. I am not about to inflict an apocalypse upon your world over a mere insult. If anything I do will doom this world it will be in the name of the Empire and the Tallests, rather than something as petty as a wounded ego."

"Lucky me," Dib murmured, raising a brow. "Speaking of said apocalypse, how's the weather?"

Tak paused for a moment, then frowned. "Something is interfering with my database uplink. Evidently my facilities are not as stormproof as I would like. Mimi!" She barked, the little robot standing at the ready. "Head down to the main lab for maintenance, and fix whatever is causing this. I will keep an eye on Dib."

Mimi saluted, and without another 'word' she was off. Leaving Dib and Tak completely alone.

Dib was about to speak, when a familiar theme song began to start up, one that had been drilled into his memory since childhood. "Oh boy," he muttered as he looked over his shoulder, the half-covered face of his father soon dominating the screen as the announcer began to joyously narrate. "Probing the Membrane of Science, fan-freaking-tastic," he groaned. He saw for a moment a picture of himself when he was just a kid, trying to get his father's attention for something while the professor attended to one of his many, many little projects.

Dib scowled at the screen and let out a huff, slumping down onto the bed, propping up his upper half against the headboard. "Rerun. Been a while since they aired this one," he noted idly.

Tak glanced at Dib, and then back at the show, quietly returning to the bed and sitting down upon it crosslegged. For a moment neither of them said anything as the show proceeded, his father from years back gaily explaining the lesson of the day as his booming voice triumphantly filled the auditorium.

Tak looked at Dib from the side of her eyes, and absently tapped her claws against the bed. "Hm," she noted. "Your father IS rather brilliant, Dib. He would be of great use to the empire," she said idly, hoping to get a rise out of him and break him from this decidedly un-Dib-like state of being.

"If you could convince him you're actually aliens, sure," Dib said flatly.

Tak raised a brow. "You know, I've never understood this about you Dib- why DO you crave this man's praise so much?"

Dib's looked at her from the corner of his eyes. "These days, not so much," Dib said, now staring up at the ceiling. "When I was a kid I just wanted to impress him and to have him say he was proud of me. Why? Because that's what kids want to hear. That's what they need to hear from their parents."

"Is it truly so important?"

"Yeah actually, it is," Dib said, looking over to Tak. "I'm not really sure how I can explain it, alright? He gave me life and raised me, and I love the guy. When you love someone it helps to hear them say you're doing something right or that they're proud of you, and in a normal family parents tend to be proud of who you are regardless of what interests you. In my family? The only way for my father to notice me is to bury who I really am and become like him," he said, not bothering to disguise the bitterness in his voice, or the hurt.

Tak wasn't certain she could properly describe the emotion she was feeling. It was something that cropped up every now and then, a distant echo in some part of her emotive assembly that her Pak could not provide sufficient information for. All she knew was that she should not be feeling it towards Dib. Not towards an alien.

Not that it stopped her.

"I... am sorry to hear that, Dib," Tak finally said, taking her own rest as she lounged back against the bed.

"Really?" Dib asked. He didn't sound mocking, or angry, or even confused.

"Astoundingly enough, yes," Tak said simply, turning her head to face him. "I... may possess an inkling of understanding your feelings. About needing to bury who you are for the sake of others, anyway."

Dib had a feeling he knew where this was going. Turning on his side, he faced her anyway, leaning his head on his hand. "That so?" he asked.

"You've doubtlessly read files from Zim's computer regarding certain details about our society. To say nothing of our little... let's call it a 'cultural analysis' from earlier," Tak said. "Irken culture does not favor the individual. Especially if that individual happens to be smaller. Once your function is determined, you stick to that function for the rest of your life. Only through military work is any kind of advancement or acknowledgement for individual achievement possible, especially among the Invaders."

"I've read bits and pieces. Enough to get the idea of what the empire wants from Invaders," Dib said, and gave a small smile. "Weird irony there. You guys don't celebrate individuality, but Invaders HAVE to be individuals in order to properly do their job. What were you before, then?"

"I was a technical drone," Tak said quietly. "Just another cog in the imperial machine, told to be content where I was and with what I was doing. I wasn't though. I knew I was destined to be better. That I *was* better than the position the control brains had handed me. It took a lot of work, a lot of effort, but I managed to prove my worth and earn re-assignment to the military, and from there a place among the Elite." She had a distant look in her eyes, and sighed fondly, before scowling bitterly. "And then in an instant, that *idiot*..."

Dib anxiously bit his lip, and decided to take a risk. Reaching out, he took her by the arm, gently, comfortingly. The action alone was enough to kill the familiar rant before it could get going, Tak looking down at his hand in shock and then staring at him as if he had lost his mind. "Forget him," Dib said carefully, gently. "Forget him for a moment. I know you're a better invader than he is, alright?"

He paused a moment to gauge her response so far. She seemed suspicious, as per the norm, but so far she wasn't summoning any of her Pak's on-board weaponry to try and blow a hole through his head. Taking that as encouragement, he pressed onward.

"Half the time I try and stop Zim, his stupid plans either thwart themselves or he screws things up so that I don't really need to do anything. I have to pull *all* the stops to stop you, and even then it only just barely works. I have to get help *from* Zim to stop you a lot of the time, and vice versa. You're *scary* good at this, Tak," he said.

"The Control Brain-"

"Was wrong, okay?" Dib said bluntly. "It made a stupid, stupid mistake that makes me wonder how smart it could be to begin with. You were good enough to make it that far, and what happened to you wasn't your fault, so you get made into a janitor?" Dib frowned. "That's stupid *and* insane. I don't give a crap what it told you- you're not a loser and you're definitely worth more than pushing around mops."

Dib at last released her arm. "At least that's my two cents. I know, it isn't worth much. 'Puny human' and all that... but it's still what I think," Dib admitted, rubbing the back of his head and laughing lightly. "Aaand wow this is kind of messed up, what with you trying to subjugate my people and all... but... I mean-"

A pair of thin, gloved fingers were on his lips. "You really need to learn to quit when you are ahead, Dib," Tak said flatly, pulling her hand back and letting out a sigh. "But... thank you, Dib," she said. "I... would have liked to heard someone tell me that, back in the empire when it all happened," she admitted, her voice sounding rather small, if laden with gratitude, and her gaze downcast. "It would have been nice to have someone to talk to back in those days. Someone willing to believe..."

"Hey, you don't need to tell me Tak, I've been there," Dib said, giving her a sympathetic pat. "I don't get any support from anyone when I go off to do what I do. My dad thinks I'm crazy, every other human alive thinks I'm crazy, my sister thinks I'm an idiot, and the Swollen Eyeball Network think I get overworked over small things," Dib listed off, though surprisingly he was able to do so without bitterness. "Having someone to talk to... someone who'd listen? That's a pretty good thing to have. Sometimes it makes me wish-" he stopped himself before he could finish, blushing lightly. "Uh, on second thought, nevermind..." he said hurriedly, looking away.

A three fingered hand clasped his chin, firmly turning his head to face the owner of the hand. "Dib," Tak said in an imperious tone of voice. "Speak."

Dib winced. "...sometimes I wish you were human," Dib admitted, flinching back as he readied for the inevitable stream of insults and invective to be hurled his way. Or worse, laughter.

When neither came his way he dared to look at Tak. Rather than revulsion, amusement or anger, he saw something he'd never dreamed he'd see on her face- sorrow.

Her antenna lowered against her head, it was her turn to look away now. "Sometimes... I regret that you are not Irken," she said in return, her voice barely above a whisper. "It defies all instinct and all that I understand as right, but it is true," she continued, looking to him now, her antenna still pinned to her skull. "Dammit Dib, why did you have to be born here? To *these* people?"

"Why'd you have to be born an Irken?" Dib countered gently. "You could be so much more than what the Empire wants you to be, you know?"

They were closer now. When had that happened? Dib wasn't sure.

"I could say the same about you," Tak said quietly. "You would have made a stellar Invader. You would be rewarded and appreciated among Irkens, were you one of our own."

"You could be who you want to be if you were human. Maybe I'm not what people want, but I have the option to be who I am," Dib said, voice just as quiet. Their eyes were meeting, and neither wanted to turn away.

"Dib..."

They were close now. Very close. Closer than even Dib's dreams would permit. Somehow his hand was on her waist, and there was such a wonderful feeling of warmth that it almost made Dib feel hazy. In the back of his rational mind, something screamed at him, told him that this was a bad idea. He was setting himself up for a fall. This would end in tears for *everyone* involved.

Something stronger tugged at him. Something deeper compelled him. Something ancient and familiar. Something he hadn't really let himself feel since he was a kid...

He never realized how soft the fabric of her uniform was.

"Tak, I-"

Suddenly she went still, and under his fingers he felt her body tense and coil. Her eyes were wide, as though she had just awoken from a dream. A frightening dream. Dib frowned with worry. "Tak, are you-?"

Suddenly she was gone, leaping away from him with the ferocity of a cat suddenly sprayed with water. She was off the bed, standing straight, her antenna standing on end as she stared down at Dib with wide eyes, panting slightly.

It took Dib a moment to process what had happened before he scrambled to a sitting position, looking up at Tak, questioning and even a little worried. "Tak, if I did something wrong I-"

"Mimi has informed me that the storms have stopped," she said tersely. "It is safe for you to return home, and you should do so. Immediately."

If she had slapped him in the face, it couldn't have hurt more than how Dib felt in that moment. "But... I..."

"Very amusing, this little... this little activity you reeled me into," Tak said, cutting him off and refusing to let him speak. "Yes, yes, a very entertaining diversion, but the fun is over, hahaha," she was smiling now, the most patently fake smile that Dib had ever seen. "Time for you to leave now, Dib. This is the only chance you get to leave of your own power," she continued, an eye-twitching as she continued her strained attempt at appearing calm. "I thank you for the amusement, but the storm is over and things must return to how they always are and you must *leave*."

For a moment Dib looked like a wounded puppy, staring up at her in shock and dismay. Then came the familiar defiance, the need to fight back, and his face snapped into an angry glare. "Now wait a minute," he said, hopping off the bed and standing in front of her, pointing towards her as he spoke. "After what just happened, you can't just throw me out. Not without an explanation!"

He stepped forward, moving as if to try and take her wrist, and Tak recoiled as if he were filthy. _"Don't touch me!"_ she shrieked, her voice cracking and breaking, the sheer intensity of it causing Dib to immediately move back, hands raised in defense and eyes wide with shock. "Don't you ever touch me, do you hear me? EVER!" she yelled, pointing at him accusingly. "You think what just happened meant anything?! HA! Other than exposing your people's *idiocy*, you provided me nothing!"

The words stung, each one hitting him with the heavy weight of a fist. Yet through her wild stare and heavy breathes, Dib saw something. Something he had seen on Zim's face more than a few times in the past.

It was fear.

And she wasn't done. "Nothing happened, Dib, do you hear me?! I don't know how you did it. I don't know how you lowered my defenses, but kudos to you, human, you're clearly FAR more insidious than I thought!" she gave a mocking salute, all illusions of composure and grace completely shattered as her voice continued to rise octave by octave. "You're a distraction Dib, a dangerous, dangerous distraction, and nothing more! The truce is over! Get out or be blasted!"

Dib took in a deep breath. Forced himself to be calm. "...alright. Alright," he said. "I'll leave. I'll... I'll just go."

"You do that," Tak said snippily, pointing to the door. "You know the way out. If you know what's good for you, you will not so much as *think* about returning-"

"I won't," Dib said, brow furrowed in annoyance. "Not as a friend anyway."

"Friend? You? HA!" Tak laughed, strained and hollow sounding. "You are the enemy, Dib! Any other interaction is merely to distract you from that fact and to allow me more means of figuring out your weaknesses!"

"Yeah. I know," Dib said, his voice absolutely emotionless as he walked past her. She did not turn to face him, keeping her arms crossed over her chest as she deliberately, spitefully refused to watch him leave. He paused when he reached the door, looking back at her. "I meant every word I said back there. And you know what? You really are better at this than Zim. He never tricked me the same way twice. Guess I really am an idiot, eh?"

"You can leave now," Tak said icely, tapping her fingers against her shoulders impatiently. A greenish circle glowed around her on the ground. "I am going to my lab. If you are not out of this mansion by the time I reach the control center, I will unleash my base's defenses against you. Am I clear?"

"Crystal," Dib said sourly. Without another word, without looking back he marched down the cavernous halls, through the winding hallways, finding his way towards the main door. Reaching it he opened it, stomping his way out and slamming the door shut as he headed for the main gates of the mansion. They opened automatically, and Dib paid them absolutely no mind as he marched out, down the sidewalk, past the community gates, until the rich neighborhood was little more than a speck against the horizon.

Safely away from her base, Dib allowed himself to stop. He looked around, making sure there was nobody around. Judging by the sun it was still early in the morning, and nobody would be in the mood to sift through the various fallen trees and telephone poles that littered the area. With that, he removed his glasses, and wiped at his eyes. "Dammit..." he choked out. "Dammit all to hell..."

* * *

The walls of Irken technology provided no comfort to Tak as she left the human-disguised surroundings of the surface. Normally the familiar sights and feelings of her people's science provided a nice sense of solace when she was feeling overwhelmed by humanity and her time on this planet, but not this time. The platform lowering to the floor, she slowly made her way through the halls. Around her the activated security monitors showed footage of Dib as he made his lonely way through the upper part of the base, through the mansion she had claimed as her cover.

In time she would reach the main control center of the lab, where Mimi awaited her. The modified SIR united saluted to her smartly as Tak took her seat, just in time to see Dib exiting the gates of the mansion. As per the norm the footage replayed on other screens, closing in on Dib and freeze-framing him at certain intervals to provide security analysis.

She had become skilled at reading humans during her years on Earth. Nothing less could be expected from an Invader. She knew the precise mixture of emotions on that seemingly stoic face of his. Anger. Sadness. Hurt.

Her antenna twitched. Despite willing it otherwise, she felt her facial muscles slacken and reshape into a new expression, and she lowered her head down into her hands, shuddering and giving out a choked, heaving breathe as the hastily constructed walls of control she'd used to shield herself came crashing down. She squeezed her eyes shut, a small, frustrated and pained noise escaping her.

"It had to be done," she said weakly, not caring that Mimi was looking at her. "It...it had to be done..."

The memory was still fresh. The feel of his hand against her. The comfort of the embrace. How good it felt to just not worry for a moment, to talk to someone without the worry of it being used against her, to feel so... safe. It was intoxicating, and she had allowed it to lull her into a false sense of security. It shouldn't have been so. Not from him. Not from a *human*.

That was without getting into the other things. Things that had been building for years. Urges and sensations that she had never felt back at the Empire. Unnatural things that her Pak couldn't explain. That the entirety of the Irken Collective Database couldn't explain. The only context available was in relation to other, lesser races, as a means of further illustrating their inferiority before the glory of the Irken Empire. Which did absolutely nothing to help her.

No, the only things that could shed light on her predicament came, ironically enough, from Earth itself. Her desperation had led her to investigate certain aspects of human biology, and what she had discovered eerily aligned with what she was undergoing. That fact alone terrified her more than anything.

Her becoming taller should have ushered in a wonderful new chapter of her life, a sign of the success she was sure to find on earth. Instead it was quickly becoming a symbol of the corrupting influence of this world, for it was when she had started to grow that the other changes took hold. At first they could be ignored.

Now though...

She looked up at the images of Dib, still on the screen. That same strange, inviting feeling coursed through her, followed by a spike of fear and regret. Then anger. Raw pulsating anger. At herself. At Dib. At the feelings she felt, at her people for putting her into this position and for lacking the knowledge to help her.

She snarled and slammed a button on the control panel with her clenched first, hastily standing up as the images of Dib vanished from sight. "MIMI!" she barked to her Sir, looking to her sharply. "Prepare the lab! We are taking care of the problem today!"

Mimi saluted and dashed away to make the preparations as Tak marched down the hallway. Even with the screens gone though she still saw Dib in her mind. Heard his voice. Felt his hand against her, felt her heart race and her squeedlyspooch twist in knots at the mere memory, and the look on his face when she had loudly denied everything they had shared during their time together talking and observing the foibles of humanity laid bare on that idiotic box.

His face wouldn't leave her. His words wouldn't leave her.

Her guilt wouldn't leave her.

It was why she had to continue doing this. To find a way to go back to how she used to be. Once she corrected the problem everything would go back to normal. Except Dib wouldn't speak with her anymore. And she would be near-totally alone on this mudball again.

"For the mission," she said to herself out loud. "No apologies. No regrets. No going back. You are an Irken. An Invader. You need nobody."

She stood before the main labs, the apparatus prepared and Mimi at the ready.

"Nobody at all."

She almost believed herself.


	4. Chapter 4: Pick up the Pieces

**Chapter Four: Pick up the Pieces**

 **Disclaimer: Invader Zim is the property and trademark of Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only, with no profit being made from its existence. Any other properties referenced or mentioned are copyrighted to their creators and corporations.**

* * *

It was the longest walk of Dib's brief life.

He didn't really pay much attention to his surroundings. In fact, he paid so little attention to anything that it was a miracle he managed to find his home at all, let alone avoid the dangers of traffic or stray dogs. Lifting his head, he saw the familiar shape of the Membrane household. Whereas other houses showed visible signs of the damage caused by Zim's weather machine, the Membrane home was as pristine as it had been before the disaster started. The anti-weather forcefield that the professor had installed some years ago might have had something to do with it.

Dib looked at the home and sighed heavily. "'Hey son, where were you? We were awfully worried'," Dib said, mimicking his father's impressive baritone. "Oh, I was at a friend's place dad. I'm alright. Thanks for asking!" he said cheerfully in response to his 'father', before snorting and shaking his head and snorting derisively. "Yeah, right."

No, what awaited him would be the usual- Gaz playing with her new Gameslave, barely acknowledging his presence and certainly not bothering to ask if he was hurt or not, and his father? Hah. That ship had sailed *years* ago.

With this in mind, Dib approached his home with the sort of fatalistic resignation normally reserved for Russian serfs, placing his hand to the doorknob and opening it. "Hey everyone," he said in a hollow tone of voice, not so much as changing his facial expression. "I'm home."

"SON!"

Dib was suddenly swept into a tight embrace, yelping in shock as he was lifted off of his feet. It took him a moment to process what was happening, before he realized that it was in fact his father holding him. "D-Dad...?" he said shakily, legitimately surprised.

"Told you he was alright," said a familiar feminine deadpan.

Looking over his father's shoulder, Dib saw Gaz, sitting on the couch as usual, Gameslave Neo in hand as she focused on reigning down doom upon her myriad digital enemies. However, he had little time to focus on his sister, his more immediate concern being the bear hug he was currently encased in.

His father released him, the tall man holding him by the shoulders, worry evident despite the goggles and the obscuring collar of his labcoat. "I was so worried son! When the storms started up and you hadn't returned home, I feared the worst. I even broke out the old Jupiter Exploration Exosuit and flew around the city looking for you! I...I was getting ready to alert the authorities..." Membrane admitted, shuddering slightly as he bowed his head, before looking to his son. "Dib, where WERE you? You didn't answer your phone!"

Dib winced. The phone had been broken during the scuffle with Zim. "I was staying at a friend's," Dib said, Gaz momentarily pausing her game to side-eye him at the word 'friend'. "My phone was broken when the winds started up, and I spent the night. Sorry if I frightened you," Dib said sheepishly. "Were you really worried about me...?"

"Very much so, son!" Membrane said, nodding vigourously. "We both were!"

"I wasn't!" Gaz shouted out.

"Yes you were!" Membrane countered gaily, prompting an annoyed grunt from his daughter. Removing his hands from Dib, Membrane stood up, looking down at his son curiously. "Tell me, which friend was it? That excitable little foreign fellow?"

"Zim? Ah, no, no it wasn't," Dib said. "I was with Tak."

"Tak?" Membrane put a hand to his chin. "Tak... Tak... oh!" He said, snapping his fingers. "The Deelishus Weenie heiress! I'll need to thank her father the next time the opportunity presents itself. I trust you were a good guest to your host?"

Dib winced slightly. "...yeah. It was fine," he said quietly. "If it's alright with you, I've had a long night and I... I just wanna lay down for a bit."

"Of course son," Membrane said jovially, patting his son on the back. "Now that I know you and your sister are both safe, I can resume work on uncovering the mystery of what caused this unnatural storm! The world demands to know, and I aim to please!" Membrane declared, pointing skyward in his usual melodramatic fashion. "Membrane, away!"

Pressing a button on his belt, a panel opened up in the wall to reveal an elevator, which the professor backed away into. The panel sealed, and Dib and Gaz both could hear the sound of the elevator heading down to the sub-basement beneath the house. Despite himself, Dib managed a small smile. Sometimes it was nice to be wrong.

"You stayed the night at Tak's?" Gaz asked, looking at Dib warily, almost accusingly.

Whatever positive feelings that had accumulated vanished in an instant, bringing Dib right back down to his funk. "I don't want to discuss it," he said tiredly. "I just wanna lay down and... decompress, alright?"

"Whatever," Gaz said with a shrug, returning to her game as Dib walked by her. "Normally you'd be bugging me about whatever you found in there."

"Well I didn't find anything, okay?" Dib snapped irritably, before stomping off to his room. Once inside, he threw off his trench coat and simply collapsed into the bed face face first. Despite his physical and emotional exhaustion, he couldn't sleep. He couldn't get Tak's words out of his head, each one of them as fresh and painful as a newly minted bruise.

He also couldn't get that look out of his head. That one moment of abject terror he had seen on her, a kind of expression he never, ever would have even dreamed Tak of having. He had seen her afraid before- rare occasions where she lost her composure around some new earth thing, or those times when her life was in danger. This though, this fear was something else. Something desperate and urgent. It was so unlike Tak.

Then of course there were the other memories. That brief moment when she'd opened to him. When they'd shared some things about themselves they'd normally never share with anyone. The physical closeness they'd experienced and... and...

Dib groaned and placed his pillow over his face as he stared up at the ceiling. "Hello world," he sighed through it. "My name is Dib Membrane. I'm eighteen years old, an amateur paranormal investigator, I've been dueling a crazy alien for the last eight years, and I have the hots for ANOTHER alien. Am I screwed up or what?"

He chuckled bitterly, lazily removing the pillow and now staring at the ceiling. What had he been thinking with all of that? Bonding over television... like he would a human friend. Yeah. That had been such a stellar move. Never mind that she was trying to subjugate his people and world. Never mind that she probably had been thinking of ways to kill him just to alleviate the boredom.

Never mind that she was able to keep up with him intellectually and engage in him like an equal. Never mind that she could make him laugh and he could do the same for her. Never mind that she was every bit as alone in the universe as he was, even if she tried so hide it. Never mind that when she wasn't actively trying to be an Invader she was actually pretty good company.

Never mind that for one brief moment she'd let him hold her and she... he... they'd...

Dib sat up, rubbing his face, a stinging sensation going through his head. "Dammit, Tak..." he muttered.

Heavy metallic footfalls were heard down the hall, and Membrane walked by in a bulky, high tech suit of some kind. "Now then children this will likely take me a while, so I just want you to know that I left money for pizza and-" Membrane paused, backing up and gazing down at his son, tilting his head slightly. "Dib? Is something the matter?"

Dib stared at the ceiling. Normally his father actually picking up on his mood and asking about it would be cause for celebration or at least a pause. Not now though. So caught up the myriad of emotions and his inability to figure out how to make things better, Dib just kept his eyes to the ceiling. "I'm fine dad," Dib said flatly.

Membrane maneuvered himself past Dib's door, closing the it behind him. "You are not fine, son. Something has upset you. What's wrong?"

This, on the other hand, gave Dib a moment to pause. He looked up at his father, who stared down at him curiously from within the confines of the odd technological marvel he'd adorned himself with. For a moment he said nothing. Then, sighing heavily, he sat up and looked up to his father. He felt like a twelve year old again. "I dunno," Dib said. "I have a... friend, and they said some stuff to me that kinda hurt," Dib lowered his head sadly, and began to rub his arm. "I... I don't think they really meant it. They've been acting strangely, but I don't know what to do."

"Ah. One of 'those' questions," Membrane muttered, lifting the visor of his helmet up and tromping towards his son. "Son... if I am being honest with you and myself, I have never really had much of a talent for deciphering 'people' problems. Oh I've always been good at capturing others attention and convincing them to see things my way, but the truth of the matter is that the finer points of social interaction have always escaped me..."

"I get the idea, dad," Dib said, smiling despite himself. The fact that his father was actually trying to talk to him about this was already helping him to feel better.

"Point of order!" Membrane declared. "My experience in this field is somewhat... lacking, compared to my otherwise stupendous and exemplary abilities in all fields of known science. But I can try! Tell me son, is this friend truly your friend?"

Dib thought it over, and after a moment he nodded. "I'd like to think so, despite everything."

"Hmm, cryptic. But I'll take it!" Membrane declared triumphantly. "Son, if your friend is having a problem that is making them act in a peculiar manner, then as their friend, you owe it to them to get to the root of the problem so that you might better understand what is causing them to act this way! Only by understanding a problem can you confront it, and solve it! It's the scientific method, son!"

Dib stared at his father. "That's... actually a really good point," Dib admitted, a determined look coming over him. "You're right!" he said, smacking his fist into his open palm. "I'm not going to settle anything moping around like this! I got to figure out what's going on and try to make it right!"

"That's right, son!" Membrane proclaimed, standing tall. "Go, find out what's troubling your friend! You owe it to them, as a friend! Go forth my boy, and CONQUER!" he bellowed, pumping his fist into the air.

"YEAH!" Dib yelled, leaping to his feet and doing likewise, before doing a double take and looking at his father questioningly. "Wait, what was that last part?"

"Well son, I'm glad we had this discussion," Membrane said blithely, patting his son on the shoulder before turning on heel and opening the door to Dib's room. "Now if you will excuse me, the stratosphere awaits!" With that, he went a stomping away, flinging the door open and hurriedly making his way downstairs. Moments after, the sound of an engine starting could be heard, the whole house shaking as warning sirens went off, the smell of jet fumes wafting over for a moment as *something* took off from the house. Afterwards, a return to silence.

Without another word, Dib went racing outside his room, running to the stairs and running past his sister as he made his way into his father's laboratory. "Come on come on, I know it's here somwhere," he muttered as he rummaged about, and paused a moment to look over his shoulder. "Gaz! Do you know where dad put the stealth suit?"

"Third container away from the work bench, the blue one," Gaz said without skipping a beat or looking away from her game.

Dib raised a brow and followed her instructions, and sure enough, the stealth suit was exactly she said it was. "Alright! Thanks Gaz!" Dib called out jubilantly, before giving her a curious look. "Sooo did you help me because I needed it, or-?"

"The more you talk to Tak, the less time you spend annoying me," Gaz said nonchalantly.

"Ah, just checking," Dib said hurriedly, brow raising. "Wait, how did you know I was going to Tak's?"

"You spent the night at Tak's, came home mopey, and now you want the stealth suit," Gaz said in that same tone. "Doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on with you." She paused her game, opening an eye to look over at him. "You do know she's probably going to kill you if you go back, right?"

Dib sighed heavily. "It's a risk I have to take," Dib said softly as he looked over the stealth suit.

"To save the world?" she drawled out sardonically.

"Not this time," Dib said. "Thanks for telling me where the suit was. If I don't come home before dad, cover for me. If I don't come back ever, avenge me."

Gaz looked at him, a rare expression of surprise on her normally sullen face, before she returned to her game. "I'll... think of something," she muttered. Given Gaz's normal behavior, she might as well tossed the game aside and tightly embraced her older sibling, loudly declaring her love for him. It was as close as she could ever get to such a gesture, and Dib smiled fondly.

"Thanks, Gaz."

"Whatever."

"No, really," Dib said, looking down at her. "I...I really don't know if I'll come back from this," he said quietly, staring off into the distance.

"We've had this conversation before," Gaz pointed out dryly.

Dib blushed, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Okay yeah, I've jumped the gun a few times-"

"A 'few'?"

"Look, Gaz, the point is that I'm about to do what is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life, bar none," Dib said. "I really might not come back from this. If that I don't, then... I..."

"I know, Dib," Gaz said flatly. The teenager then looked up from her game, and did something that was very rare for her- she paused the game. "I know you love me, okay?" she said, her voice unusually soft. "You don't have to remind me."

"Yeah well," Dib said with a small sigh. "We kinda suck at this stuff. I just wanted to make sure."

"To put it mildly," Gaz drawled.

"What about you, then?" Dib asked.

Gaz said nothing. She unpaused the game, resuming the epic digital battle in her hands. "You know too," she said quietly.

Dib smiled a wide smile. "Aw, Gaz, that's-"

"Don't you have something to do?" she asked coldly, her voice having officially entered into 'tread carefully from here on out' territory.

"Yep!" Dib said, happy to avoid going down THAT old and familiar path, and without another word rushed back to his room, quickly donning the stealth suit and activating it. Now little more than a mirrored out blur, he turned to his bedroom window, opening it and climbing down to the ground outside. Once on the sidewalk, he took off like a shot.

Left alone in the house, Gaz allowed herself to gaze up the stairs towards where Dib's bedroom was, raising a brow for a moment before letting out a snort and resuming her game in earnest.

"Man he's got it bad."

* * *

"Okay, note to self," Dib said, panting as he rested outside of the gates of the walled off community Tak lived in. "When trying to rush off into the midst of potential peril, do NOT do it by foot. Definitely not my brightest move," he murmured to himself.

Catching his breath, he easily managed to climb the gate and make his way through the collection of mansions contained within. Spotting the familiar sight of Tak's cover base. He paused a moment and pressed a button on his goggles, giving a quick cursory scan of the place looking for any weak spots. He didn't have to look far- his sensor picked up a broken window, a casualty of the previous day's nonstop storms. Precarious, but workable.

Walking over to the window sill and climbing up, he very carefully maneuvered himself around the broken glass before leaping inside, landing with a soft thud and looking around for any signs of trouble. He just prayed that this thing worked better than it did that time he tried to tail GIR...

So far so good. If the mansion had any human staff then either they weren't in for the day or simply hadn't arrived yet. Either way, no signs of life inside the mansion. With light tread built from years of managing to sneak in and out of Zim's base (to say nothing of developing a fine habit of going places where he wasn't supposed to in general), Dib made his way through the halls of the mansion, retracing his original steps from when he had left, until at last he reached the guest room.

Pausing for a moment, he looked around carefully. Adjusting the scanner built into his goggles, he carefully surveyed the floor hoping to pick up on a change in the structural integrity. It didn't take long for him to find what he was looking for- the location of the elevator under the floor. It was the only way down to Tak's real base that he knew of, so it would have to do. As he knelt down near the spot, he smiled ruefully to himself. There was once a time he would have given anything to find this, anything to be able to infiltrate the depths of Tak's lair. Now he was finally doing it, but for the last reason anyone could have expected.

Shaking his head and refocusing his attentions, he got to work. Feeling around the circumference of the hidden elevator top, he paused when he felt something disrupt the otherwise perfectly smooth surface. Reaching into his boot he pulled out a small pocket knife, and began to cut through the expensive carpeting, peeling it away to reveal his prize- an emergency escape hatch, one accessible from the inside and the outside.

Dib smirked in triumph under the obscuring mask of his suit. "Jackpot," he murmured to himself. Carefully working the outside latch open, he hopped down inside the elevator car. Locating the control panel, he pressed the 'down' button, and prayed that whatever Tak was working on would take up enough of her attention that she wouldn't notice that this platform was heading down without her in it. The elevator hummed to life, and began to head downward, each second passing like an eternity as Dib anxiously awaited the end.

Finally it would stop and open, and cautiously Dib made his way out, looking around carefully. In many ways it reminded him of Zim's own base- highly advanced technology lacing the walls at every level, technology well beyond anything on Earth. Only his father's laboratory could begin to approach what was seen here. Whereas Zim's base tended towards a pinkish hue and in general had bulky, somewhat clunky looking aesthetic, Tak's was different. Her base was a dark, brooding place of various dark shades of purple, smooth and streamlined at every level. It reminded Dib of a spider's web, in a lot of ways. Whether this was a personal statement about Tak's tastes or proof that Zim's own technology was oud of date, Dib couldn't tell. All he could do was creep carefully through the ill lit halls.

All around him he could hear sounds. Small, odd noises that came from everywhere. He tried to focus on something else. Like the fact that he was now infiltrating the depths of Tak's lair, with absolutely no backup or means of getting back home if she found out, and the fact she would likely kill him if she found him. On the plus side, the stealth suit was working rather nicely.

Earth Technology:1, Irken Invader: 0.

Suddenly there was the sudden, loud sound of something crashing followed by a series of muffled yells, and Dib very nearly jumped out of his skin in fright. Calming his nerves he further infiltrated the depths of the base, following the sounds. Up ahead he saw an open door with light pouring out, and now he could make out words and identify the yells properly as belonging to Tak.

She wasn't finished yelling.

-ailure! Another Tallest-Damned failure!" Her normally cool voice ranted out, followed by the sound of glass breaking. "Why is this happening? Why won't the problem be corrected?!"

Dib was given pause. The twin instincts of curiosity and self-preservation were locked in mortal combat. He hesitated a moment and trudged forward, creeping towards the entrance of her lab, pausing to peek around the corner. Tak was there, as was Mimi holding a tray. Strewn about the floor was broken glass along with machine parts. Tak was pacing frantically, visibly agitated. She even tugged down on her antenna as she let out a frustrated growl.

"Nothing works, nothing!" she wailed out in despair, pausing a moment to give an almost pained groan as she gripped her head. "I shouldn't have let him in," she said quietly. "I shouldn't have allowed him to get close. What was I thinking, Mimi? What was I thinking?" she asked, looking over to her Sir.

Mimi tilted her head, giving an electric chirp in response. Tak whirled on her, her face going dark green as she looked ready to break out into yells. In an instant she deflated, a pitiful shadow of the normally confident, controlled Irken (Pseudo) Invader that Dib knew. "...you're right. I couldn't stop myself. I... I let emotions override logic. I invited weakness into myself through him, and that weakness is now festering in me, changing me..." she looked into her open palm, frowning sadly before snarling. "Prepare the next batch!" she barked to Mimi. "We do not finish until we have exhausted *every* option, do you hear me?"

Mimi saluted and began to trot away, leaving Tak alone. With Mimi gone, she hugged her arms around herself and let out a small, uncharacteristic whimper. "There has to be a way to stop it," she said quietly. "There has to be."

 _Oh, Tak..._ Dib thought to himself, face falling. He looked up at the screens in the lab. One screen depicted a diagram of the Irken physiology, focusing on various parts. Others were chemical strands and compositions, formulas and hypothetical combinations and reactions. He stared at the screens, and then at her. He bit his lower lip nervously as a thought came to him. A dangerous, reckless thought that, if he proved wrong, could very well mean his end.

Taking in a breath, Dib stood up and slowly made his way into the lab.

"Tak," he said aloud, keeping his voice soft so as not to startle her too badly.

Tak whipped around immediately, looking around rapidly while her eyes twitched. When she saw nothing she calmed down, groaning and rubbing the bridge of where her nose might have been if she was human. "And now I'm hearing voices, how delightful," she drawled out.

"You're not hearing things, Tak," Dib said again, and reaching to the mask of the stealth suit, peeling it off and rendering himself visible.

Tak recoiled in shock and horror. For a second she just stood there, for all intents and purposes she looked like a deer caught in headlights, a trapped animal cornered by a hunter. Then, just as quickly, her face twisted into a fierce, almost feral looking snarl as she rounded upon Dib, pointing at him with a hand shaking in fury. _"YOU!"_

Dib had approximately one split-second to consider that he may have just made a very bad decision before Tak's Pak-legs extended out of the device and flew towards him, lifting him up and painfully shoving him against the wall, pinning him there. "This is your fault!" Tak snarled. "You are the cause of this!" One of the dagger-like legs hovered dangerously close to Dib's neck. "I warned you not to come back, human," she hissed out. "Even YOU should have known better than that."

Dib swallowed down the panic that was coursing through him, grabbing at the metal appendage threatening to puncture his neck and holding it tight as he squiremed. "Y-Yeah, you'd think so," he said shakily.

"You'll regret not listening to me, Dib," Tak said, rearing back one of the legs. "Why did you come? Why didn't you just *listen* to me, you stupid monkey?!"

"B-Because I was worried!" Dib gasped out. "Alright? I was *worried*!"

Tak's eye twitched. "You...were worried?" she said haltingly. "You're lying. You're just here to finally get intel on me! That's all it was, wasn't?!"

"Would you listen to yourself?! You're talking crazy, Tak! This isn't like you!" Dib shouted angrily, indignation overriding whatever instinct for self-preservation that yet remained in him. "Seriously, if I was trying to spy on you, why would I blow my cover just to talk?!"

Suddenly, she went calm. Eerily calm. "I don't know. I don't care," Tak said, voice flat and robotic. "Whatever you are up to Dib, I am putting an end to it. I should have done this long ago," she continued, the mechanical leg leaning black further, glinting in the soft glow of the lab. Dib suddenly found himself terrifyingly aware of just how sharp the ends of those legs were.

Dib's already wide eyes expanded further, a cold sweat beading over his brow as his heart began to thump against his chest at rapidfire pace.

"You... you are becoming a liability I can no longer tolerate," her voice cracked for a moment as she spoke. "Invaders need no one." One of the razor-like legs reared back. "Irkens need no one."

"Tak...please..."

"Goodbye, Dib."

The leg plunged forward.


	5. Chapter 5: Let It Out

**Chapter Five: Let Go**

 **Disclaimer: Invader Zim is the property and trademark of Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only, with no profit being made from its existence. Any other properties referenced or mentioned are copyrighted to their creators and corporations. As a warning, his fic contains references to my previous fanfic "The Garage Monologues".**

* * *

The mechanical Pak leg came crashing down, aimed at his head with all the grim precision of an executioner's axe.

Dib flinched, readying himself for the end to come...and heard the sound of metal shearing and breaking and electrical sparks flying. Daring to open his eyes, he saw that the scythe-like blade at the end of the leg had not hit his head, but rather the space directly next to it. The metal plating of the wall had been torn asunder, circuitry and wires underneath sparking from the damage.

Dib looked over to Tak now. She stood with her head bowed, refusing to look at him. Dib's brow furrowed in concern. "Tak...?" he asked carefully.

"Why couldn't you just leave it well enough alone?" Tak said, her voice breaking as she spoke, looking up at him with tired, pleading eyes, and the most utterly broken expression Dib had ever seen on anyone, human or Irken. "Why did you have to persist?"

Dib swallowed slightly. "Because... because you're acting strange. Because I'm your friend, even if you'd sooner stab yourself in the foot than admit it. Because I *care*," he said, daring to step forward.

"Why?" Tak asked, her voice a hoarse cocktail of pleading and exasperation. "I am your enemy, Dib. Why do you continually refuse to process that fact?"

"Dunno. If you wanted me dead, really, really dead, you could have probably done it at any time in the past. Yet I'm still standing," Dib countered, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why is that?"

A familiar defiance sparked in Tak's eyes, and she sneered. "I do not need to justify myself to you, human."

"Then I don't need to justify myself to you," Dib said with a shrug, before shooting her a concerned look. "Now how about we stop with this back and forth crap, and you just tell me what's wrong?"

Tak let out a heavy sigh. Behind her, the door to other lab section opened, and Mimi came strolling through with a collection of glass canisters filled with varying liquids organized on top, right next to an injector gun. Mimi paused and let out an alarmed sound at the sight of Dib, only for Tak to raise her hand. "Do not bother, Mimi," Tak said in a tired voice. "Just... clean up this mess and resume security detail. If he broke in, then we clearly have a hole in need of plugging."

Mimi's eyes flickered, and just like that she was off, returning to the section of the lab she'd come from and returning to the main area, arm converting into a vacuum as she set to work removing the various bits of debris. Watching her for a moment, Dib returned his attentions to Tak.

For what seemed like hours, the two stared at each other, saying nothing. Amber eyes concentrated and purple, and neither made a move.

Tak broke the silence. "Stop staring," she commanded.

"You first," Dib countered. With the awkwardness finally broken, Dib took a moment to look around at the various displays that were emblazoned upon the myriad screens of Tak's laboratory, and at last decided to indulge the question that had been on his mind since the moment he laid eyes upon them.

"What IS all of this?" he asked, gesturing with wide arms.

Tak rubbed her face. "It is... complicated. Embarassing. I did not want you to see this Dib. I did not want you to know my shame..." She gave him a serious look. "Tell me, Dib. In the time since I came to this planet, have you noticed any changes to my person? Better yet- what has changed about me, Zim, and Scoodge?"

"Oh, well..." Dib rubbed the back of his head, looking momentarily embarassed. "Well, all three have you have gotten taller, though you're still the tallest Irken here..."

Tak actually managed to smile- a proud, haughty little smirk. "A flattering detail, yes," she said, before returning to her serious demeanor. "But what else, Dib? What else has changed? Come on now, you're one of a precious few primates on this world gifted with any real power of observation. Don't fail me now"

"Well, you no longer look like kids..." Dib said, twiddling his thumbs and looking away. It was true- beyond the change in height, the Irkens living on earth had also changed in other ways. Much like the maturation process Dib was all too familiar with, the changes in height had also brought subtle changes in musculature and features. Soft, childish curves giving way to rougher, more adult angles and edges. Zim and Scoodge would never be 'rough looking' by human standards, by they were considerably more adult looking now then when they first came to Earth.

In Tak's case though...

She put her hands on her hips. Her rather well-defined hips. Hips that she didn't have when she first arrived on Earth. "Come on Dib," she prodded.

"You uh... you..." Dib mumbled, looking away sheepishly. "You got..." he struggled to find the right word. Everything just sounded so *lewd*. "... more defined?"

"I appreciate your refusal to use the cruder vernacular your kind tends to resort to in these situations," Tak said sincerely. "Yes, Dib. The changes to our height wasn't the end of it. We have undergone certain... physiological alterations. At first they were easy enough to ignore as a mere byproduct of the growth spurts. As time went on however there came other things. Things that could not be ignored," she frowned. "Things that we have no context for, back on Irk, save for defining those not of our species."

The wheels in Dib's head started turning, and his eyes widened. "Holy crap... are you saying-?"

" _Yes!"_ Tak snapped suddenly, before calming herself. "I mean, yes, Dib... my body has altered itself beyond mere cosmetics. There are now glands and organs within me that were not present before. I... I do not know how to handle them. I have been trying to reverse the process, but with no luck," she hugged herself now, her voice small. "Nothing works. It.. frightens me, Dib."

"Jesus," Dib said quietly. "That's... that's a lot to take in, Tak," he said, and then winced. "Oh Christ, if this is happening to you then I don't even wanna know how Zim is handling it."

"Hopefully his response involves self-mutilation," Tak drawled out. "Which does little to change the fact that I am becoming something new... or perhaps, something old."

"What do you mean?"

"My people did not always have Paks, Dib. Once, long ago, we were a race that lived and bred much as others do," Tak explained. "Once the Paks were introduced, we were able to streamline the reproductive process via the smeeteries. There was no real use for certain features. Even our gender amounted to little more than a few cosmetic differences with no real bearing on our persons."

"So basically, you've turned into a Pre-Pak Irken?" Dib said, tilting his head. "Oooh wow. Then what's the cause of it? What change-?" His eyes widened. "The snacks!"

"Yes, Dib. The snacks," Tak said with a heavy sigh. "Once the Irken snack supplies ran out, I decided it would be more cost effective to simply make due with what was available here on Earth. Zim and Skoodge did likewise. Shortly after we all underwent our growth spurts, and then slowly but surely, THIS," she said, gesturing to herself happened. "At first I could not understand it and wondered if, perhaps, your miserable world was the cause of this. It was only after I began investigating the problem myself did the bigger picture begin to present itself to me."

"Oh man..." Dib said, running a hand through his hair. "The way you guys were beforehand. Those traits were never engineered out really, were they? Those snacks are designed to stunt your growth!"

Tak pressed her antenna flat against her skull. "Affirmative," she said with a slight growl.

"Oh man... that's huge!" Dib said, and he started to pace around. "If those snacks are designed to retard Irken growth, then your entire social structure is a sham. Being taller doesn't happen on its own, it must be something that those Control Brains arrange to happen when they want or need a replacement Tallest-"

"I KNOW, DIB!" Tak snapped suddenly, before raising her hands and taking in a breath. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Dib," she said apologetically. "Your observations are... are correct, but I am still trying to cope with these developments, and that is amidst the physical changes I am undergoing. You'll forgive me if I am somewhat wound tight, but I *really* do not need your speculation adding to my already increasing list of problems!"

"Okay, okay," Dib said patiently. He had a more pressing question that needed to be answered anyway, and crossed his arms over his chest as he gazed at her, eyes steady and stance firm. "Does this have anything to do with what happened earlier?"

Tak's eyes widened, her antenna shooting straight up for a moment before she looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about..." she said feebly.

"Bullcrap," Dib said bluntly. "Bull. Freaking. Crap." He marched over to her. "Tak, come on, how often are you going to do this?" he asked her flatly. "I say one thing, you dismiss it, and normally I try to let it go because hey, it's your issue. Only thing is, it isn't just *your* issue anymore, and like it or not, I'm involved. I came back because I was worried Tak," he said, his voice softening. "Please, Tak, just... trust me, okay?"

Tak refused to look at him.

Dib let out a defeated sigh. "Okay. Okay, I get it. I'll... I'll stop," he murmured, doing his best to not appear as hurt as he felt. He turned around and began to walk back out the way he came, dejected and emotionally exhausted. "I know when I'm not wanted."

"WAIT!"

Suddenly Tak's hand was on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. "Don't... don't go," she murmured.

Dib looked down at her hand, and then at her over his shoulder. "I won't leave, but if you want me to stay with you then all I ask is that you be honest with me," Dib said, turning around to face her. "I want to help you, but you can't keep doing this. You can't keep pushing me away."

Tak's antenna were lowered. "It isn't that easy, Dib. I am... I am an Irken. An Invader. We can't... I mean..." she shook her head. "I have already been forced to confront that my life, everything I know and understand is a lie. What you are asking me to say though... if I speak it out loud, to you? It becomes real. If it becomes real, then I cannot... I cannot even pretend to ignore it."

Dib's face softened. "Come on, Tak. You've never backed down from a challenge."

"This is more than a challenge!" Tak snapped, face wracked with worry. "This is... is... this is..." she forced herself to calm down before speaking. "Picture, Dib, if you were suddenly thrust into a dark room. The only way out of this room is an unlocked door, but you do not know what lays on the other side. It is made clear to you that whatever it is behind that door is going to change your life, but what _isn't_ clear is how it will change you," she bit her lower lip, squeezing her eyes shut. "You cannot go back. There is no way to go. You can move forward, but the unknown it represents is terrifying, more terrifying than anything else you could ever imagine.

Her fists tightened as she looked up towards Dib. "That is what this is for me Dib. I'm trapped for reasons I don't understand, and the only way out is something that could be potentially worse, and I... I have no way to decipher it or guess, because nothing like this presently exists among my people. I am totally unprepared."

Dib went quiet for a moment, collecting his thoughts. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke.

"Years ago, after I repaired your ship but long before you arrived on Earth, I once had a conversation with your ship's AI. Things were said, and it told me an interesting little detail- namely that I feature prominently in your memories."

Tak looked down at the floor, refusing to meet his gaze as her hand limply slid away from him.

"I was told that the only concrete memories the AI had were of the things most important to you, emotionally speaking. The Tallests because you want to please them, Zim because you hate him, Mimi because you care about her... so why am I there, Tak?" Dib smiled lightly, in spite of the tone of the conversation. "I don't think you'd be that pleased to fool a lonely kid on an alien planet."

"Treacherous machine," Tak muttered as she looked back to Dib, her expression somewhere between annoyed and defeated. "You would think something based upon my own memory and emotional matrix would know better than to let such details slip."

"Well to be fair, she DID only say it so that my mood would be better and so I'd be more compliant towards her," Dib quipped lightly.

"Hmf, that's more like it," Tak said, finally allowing herself a small smirk before giving Dib a questioning look. "I always did wonder why you kept the AI..."

"Tell me why I'm evidently important enough to be a part of it's retained memories, and I'll tell you," Dib countered, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's only fair, Tak."

Tak glowered at him for a moment, opening her mouth as if to try and argue, but stopped midway. She drew herself up to her full- though not particularly formidible by human standards- height, looking Dib in the eye. "Very well," she said stiffly. "You want to know why? Because I liked you, Dib. I enjoyed your company, despite every little ridiculous thing about. For the first time in my life, a life leagues longer than your own, I found somebody I could really talk to, and in some ways I saw a bit of myself in you. Your desire to serve your people and earn praise for it, your continued insistence on battling Zim despite how stacked the odds were against you and despite your continued failures to achieve both... I could not help but find it familiar, and appreciate your existence because of it."

"Just not enough to stop yourself from trying to turn my planet into a trophy for your tallests," Dib pointed out flatly, raising his hand and cutting her off before she could get worked up. "I know, I know- your mission came first, and I'm was in no position to expect anything else."

Tak looked like she wanted to argue, but just as soon as it came that would-be torrent of defiance deflated. "...if it helps? You are the first creature to ever provoke guilt out of me, or at least something close to it," she murmured. "I... had never really cared like that. Not for any living creature that wasn't the Tallests. That is what you provoked in me, Dib. That is why the memory of you was strong enough to be imprinted in my ship's AI."

"Wow," Dib said quietly, rubbing his arm. It was a lot to take in, even if a lot of it was what he had suspected to begin with. "That was then. What about now?" he asked, trying not to sound TOO invested in what else she might have to say.

Sadly for him, Tak was more than capable of picking up on that undercurrent of desperation. "That goes beyond the initial perimeter of our agreement," she said primly. "Why did you keep my AI?"

Dib nearly let out an aggravated groan, before taking in a breath to calm himself. "Okay, well to start with there were practical reasons- namely the fact that my attempts to create a new AI based off my own AI didn't turn out so good," he said, shuddering as he recalled the 'Dib Ship' incident. "So, firstly, there were practical reasons involved."

"Fair enough," Tak said. "You could have easily muted her or altered her voice, though."

Dib rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah that's the other part of it. I uh... I missed you," he admitted, pale cheeks flushing slightly as he looked away. "I missed you a lot. The AI didn't have everything that made you 'you', really, and was really, really hostile... but at the same time, it felt good to hear your voice."

"You used it as a... substitute..?" Tak asked warily.

"No. I never tried to make her into a 'new you'," Dib said hastily. "Talking to her though, it made it easier to remember a time when I finally thought I had found a friend, someone to talk to, someone who could like me for being me. Someone I could... uh... well..." He winced, blushing furiously. "S-So yeah, that's why it was," he said, lightly. "...we're both kind of screwed up, aren't we?"

"And then some," Tak drawled out. She stared at Dib for a moment. Her antenna lowered, and she looked down. "I... I am sorry, Dib."

"Sorry? For what?" Dib asked.

"For my earlier words," she said, looking up at him. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. I did it because I was afraid. Because I didn't want to admit that when you held me..."

"Yeah?" Dib said hopefully.

"I didn't want it to stop," she said, her voice sounding incredibly small.

The words collided with Dib with the force of a sledgehammer. His knees, already somewhat shaky from everything that had just happened, nearly buckled under their weight. He swallowed slightly. "That... that so...?" he asked, breathing slightly shallow as the nervousness began to take hold.

Tak looked away, and Dib saw her cheeks were flushed green. He hadn't realized Irkens could blush, but then, maybe this was just another part of the changes she had been undergoing. He could also recognize the shame on her face.

Part of him wanted to press on. Make her confront how hurt he had been, maybe even rub it in her face a little. Seeing that expression on her face, and knowing how confusing and alien all of this was for her, whatever specter of vindictiveness that rested within him over his previous treatment faded away into nothingness. That she had apologized at all without any prodding for him was momentous in of itself.

Dib stepped forward. "...I didn't want it to stop either," he finally admitted. "That moment where we were together. Where you let me hold you for a moment? It was the best thing I ever felt, and I didn't want it to end. I'm sorry too though," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "I mean I didn't know what was going on with you, but still, I'm sorry if I freaked you out."

"Yes, well," Tak said, finally finding it in her to face him again. "I did not exactly go out of my way to listen to my more rational instincts and simply leave you on your own," Tak admitted. "I knew there was a chance that something could happen, but I still decided to accept your offer and, in doing so, enabled the chain of events that followed."

Dib smiled. "Hey, up until that point, you were enjoying yourself pretty handily," he quipped.

Tak groaned and rubbed her face, shaking her head all the while. "You are never going to let me live that part down, are you?"

"In the not too distant future, somewhere in time and space~" Dib drummed out in a sing song voice.

"You _are_ aware that my Pak is still equipped with at least one dozen different forms of weaponry, yes?" Tak pointed out flatly.

"And it would STILL be worth it," Dib said with a grin, before taking a look around at Tak's various readings and results. "So... what now?" he asked. "What are you going to do with all this?"

Tak frowned. "I don't know, Dib. I don't know what I can do. None of my attempts to reverse the process have worked. I cannot return to my people like this- I would be ostracized and condemned to die for being a defective. More than defective. There are rarely secrets within the empire, and I have no contacts back home who would believe me," she said sourly. "My options are limited in the extreme."

Dib put a hand to his chin, a thoughtful look coming over his face. "You're not the only Irken on the planet you know. Maybe you could go to-?"

"The next word out of your mouth better be ANYTHING but 'Zim'," Tak hissed out, eyes narrowed and teeth bared. "I would literally sooner shoot my own foot off than ask help from that worthless-!"

"-Skoodge," Dib said smoothly. "I was going to say 'Skoodge'."

Tak calmed only slightly, still eying him suspiciously. "Zim's lackey? Why would I go to him?"

"Well, I imagine he'd be just as bothered by this as you are," Dib pointed out. "And knowing Zim's usual methods for dealing with things he doesn't understand, I don't think Skoodge'd be too keen to partake in any of his 'solutions'."

"He allows himself to be roped into that little maniac's schemes despite knowing better," Tak scoffed. "I fail to see why he would only now exhibit a bit of good judgment."

"I think the prospect of being used as a test subject by Zim would push even Skoodge's limits," Dib pointed out.

Tak put a hand to her chin. "Hm. A very, very valid point," she said, antenna lowering. "I am still unsure of what good it would do."

"Having someone to talk to about your problems is more helpful than you might think," Dib said gently. "Whether you like it or not, Zim and Skoodge are the only other Irkens on the planet, and the only other ones in the entire _universe_ who have a clue about what you're going through. You don't exactly have a lot of options."

Tak scowled disdainfully, crossing her arms over her chest. "But Skoodge is... Skoodge. He has far more skill and talent as an invader than Zim, and is taller than him at that, but has always been content to be treated as if HE were cadet and ZIM the veteran," her lip curled back in an ugly sneer.

"Your leaders didn't think so," Dib said in a blunt tone of voice, and Tak flinched. "Yeah, didn't think I knew about that, did you? He did everything he was supposed to do and he still got screwed. Because the Tallests didn't like how he looked. Hell of a system you got at work."

Tak turned on him with an angry glare, and Dib could see she was working herself into another furor, before deflating and looking down. "... very well," she murmured. "I will attempt to discuss what's been happening with Skoodge." She then looked up at Dib warningly, pointing towards him. "Know that if it results in nothing worthwhile, I will blame you for wasting my time on him, understand?"

"Crystal clear, boss lady," Dib said with an impish smile.

Tak straightened up, holding her head high as she gave Dib a haughty appraisal. "How nice to know that you at least understand your place in the scheme of things."

Dib raised a brow and crossed his arms over his chest, an amused smile on his face. "Oh-ho, is that so?"

"You're an intelligent creature, Dib," she said, hands at her hips. "You know perfectly well where you stand."

Dib began to walk up to her. "You realize that I *am* taller than you, right?" he pointed out as he walked right up to her, looming above her as he looked down. "Last I checked, that meant you had to respect me."

"That only applies to fellow Irkens, Dib," she said with a smirk. "Last I checked, you are a mere hominid _._ And so, the courtesy does not extend to you."

"Oh yeah?" Dib said. "What DOES that make me to you then?"

The simple honesty of the question was so unexpected that already, Tak's demeanor of haughty playfulness already came to a screeching halt. She stared up at Dib, at his expectant face. Suddenly that height difference was all too apparent, and she felt very small under his gaze. "...a conundrum," she said. "One that I want to unravel, but am afraid to commit to."

"... earlier you said that when I held you, you didn't want it to stop," Dib said quietly. "I didn't want it to either. In fact, I'd... like to do it again."

Tak's eyes bugged open and her antenna shot straight up, her face flushing. "...I would like that, Dib," she admitted. "Very much."

Dib didn't so much as waste a breath before he stepped in and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him and even nuzzling her slightly, doing so with all the desperation of a man realizing the fragility of a wonderful dream. Tak's response was awkward but just as eager- she opened her arms and carefully wrapped them around him, feeling about curiously before returning the embrace.

"I...I rather like this still," Tak admitted, her voice shaking slightly. "I don't understand why, but it feels so fulfilling. And... and other things..."

"No need to talk about it Tak, I know just how you feel," Dib said quietly, pulling his head back so he could smile down at her. "Well, maybe not 'just', since this isn't the first time I've hugged someone," Dib noted. "First time I got a proper hug from somebody who wasn't family though, so maybe I do know a bit more then I would think..."

"You're doing that 'talking too much thing' again, Dib," Tak pointed out, but she was smiling all the same, head resting against his chest.

"Sorry, force of habit," Dib said with an apologetic smile. A thought then occurred to him, and the nervousness returned. "Um... Tak?"

"Yes?" she said, voice hazy and almost dreamlike as she kept herself contently pressed against him.

"There's something I'd... I'd like to ask, but I'm not sure if you'd... I mean..." Dib swallowed slightly. "There's something humans do to show affection but I'm not sure if you'd-"

"Kiss, do you mean?" Tak asked, looking up at him. "You forget Dib, I've been studying up on those aspects of your people. In the past I dismissed it as simply a repulsive facet of your species that I was happy to know nothing about... not unlike this, for that matter," Tak squeezed Dib for emphasis. "I confess that... I am not all too certain still," Tak murmured as she looked up to Dib, cheeks flushed green.

"Yeah, that's why I asked," Dib said. "I know that it's kind of a lot to ask for someone who has never, ever done anything like this. Ah..." Dib rubbed the back of his head apologetically. "You know what, forget it, it was innapropriate of me to ask. I mean we haven't ever really had a proper date and-"

Suddenly he felt Tak's hand's grab around the collar of his stealth suit and yank downward, the move so unexpected that Dib found himself at face level with her. Before he could say or do anything, he felt a mouth upon his own. Lightning shot through his every sense and nerve, and he stiffened immediately as he tried to process what was going on.

Tak was kissing him.

Suddenly, he was kissing back.

For all that he thought of Tak, he had never tried to imagine what kissing her might be like. Between her odd tongue, her odd teeth and the simple fact that he had long since resigned himself to the idea that she could never, ever become THAT close to him or desire anything like this, he never bothered to torture himself. It wasn't in her nature or her biology. She was completely unattainable, painful a fact as it was to accept.

Only that wasn't really the case any more, and once the rest of Dib's body caught up with his mind, he eagerly returned that kiss, doing so hungrily even.

He felt the tongue enter his mouth, soft and wet and yet oddly segmented and firm, unlike anything he could have imagined for a human tongue. He probed the strange new depths, ever the eager and curious explorer. The sounds of them groaning and kissing began to fill the ill-lit laboratory, and Dib shuddered as he felt gloved, three fingered hands running over his body while he did likewise. Good God he had never realized how *soft* she felt...!

The two pulled away, both of them flushed and panting heavily. Dib stared at her, and she stared, neither of them saying anything for a moment as they both tried to collect themselves, her antenna hanging limply against her head.

"That... that was..." Dib began.

"Incredible..." Tak murmured. "I did not expect it to be like that. To feel that... that good..."

Dib smiled awkwardly. "Hey, given that this is a first for me, I'm kind of happy to see that I'm ah... evidently kind of good at it?"

Tak smirked even as she panted. "Don't give yourself TOO much credit, Dib-human- I am after all dealing with physical sensations that were previously quite unknown to me. You could be quite mediocre at this act, and I would never know the difference~"

"Whatever you tell yourself Tak," Dib said with a challenging smirk, before his eyes widened as the reality of what had just happened dawned on him. "We... we just kissed..." he said quietly. "I never thought I'd ever... that we could ever..."

"How do you think *I* feel?" Tak pointed out. "This is literally something I never, ever conceived of happening until it happened."

"G-Good point," Dib said quietly, and then looked over at her questioningly. "...wanna do it again?"

"Get over here, monkey boy."

"Ape, Tak. Ape."

"Just shut up and kiss me."

Dib complied with gusto, reaching out and nearly lifting her off her feet as he drew her close, claiming her mouth in another impassioned kiss. He ran his hands up and down her back, taking care to avoid her pack, shuddering and shivering as she did the same. Her felt her thigh grind against him, he in turn responded by running a hand down her leg.

Suddenly she pulled back, panting heavily, and for a second Dib worried that he might have gone *too* far. "What's wrong?" he asked, wincing. "Did I do something? Oh cripes I'm sorry-"

A gloved finger went to his lips, silencing him. "No... no, nothing like that," Tak said, voice shaky. "A... unique opportunity has simply presented itself to me."

Dib raised a brow, and Tak removed her finger from his lips. "As I have explained and... rather thoroughly demonstrated, with my changes have come certain sensations that I am still trying to understand. Along with other things that could only be described by me as... cravings. A desire I can not name. It centers around you, Dib. It has been there for a while now."

"Yeah?" Dib said, somewhat warily. Where was she going with this?

"When you held me earlier... it set something off. Something frightening and wonderful, and it contributed to my earlier poor behavior," Tak said, trying to steady her voice. "This you already know. What I didn't tell you though is that even before then, these... these feelings, the physical responses, they had been building within me. Your touch and my enjoyment of it caused me to react hastily. To retreat to the safety of denial..."

"But that's pretty clearly changed," Dib finished, somewhat dryly.

Tak let out a frustrated sound. "Dib, for the love of Irk, PLEASE desist with the color commentary," she managed to growl out before composing herself. "But yes. This has changed. I... I have concluded that physical contact with you is enjoyable. It provides a certain degree of relief. But I want more."

Dib blinked. "More...?"

"Yes Dib, more," Tak said. "As I said, I studied your race to find answers to my predicament. My findings initially repulsed me, even if the correlation became clear. At one point I thought that physical contact, kissing, these things too were too repulsive to consider as an appropriate outlet for my... difficulty... when it came to you."

She licked her lips nervously.

"What I am asking Dib is... is that we take this a bit further."

At that word, further, Dib's face turned bright scarlet, everything clicking together.

"Oh... OH!" he said as he stared down at her. "Oh my..."

"Your answer?" Tak said, standing tall now, her voice steely. "I am perfectly able to find other solutions, Dib. If you say no, I will drop this subject and work things out on my own."

For the most part, Dib Membrane was a rather rational creature. He believed in logic and facts, and part of his drive for the paranormal was to explain things that were unexplainable. For the most part, he was very good at acting on these things, and in those cases where he was able to ignore these better instincts he at least was able to console himself that he did it in the name of idealism.

As Dib stared down at her, one thing was swiftly becoming clear- rationality had *nothing* in its arsenal that could prepare him for this. His mind raced with all the possibilities, all the ways this could go wrong, even entertaining the idea that there might be a trap involved. Oh yes, that little voice in the back of his head, the one that usually told him when he was in the process of making a mistake and whose advice he often heeded? Was now blaring out alarm sirens while dancing around hitting pots and pans screaming 'DANGER DIB MEMBRANE, FUCKING *DANGER* DIB MEMBRANE!' at the top of its little metaphorical lungs.

Something else was tugging at him though. Something neglected. Something that wanted something that no amount of study or exploration or fighting Zim could ever quite abate. Something that until this moment, never had a true outlet.

It was a mistake. It was obscene. If he did this, nothing would be the same, and there was nothing that ensured there was a happy ending involved here. He should have been repulsed, and deep down he knew he should have just turned around and ran for dear life.

Right now though, gazing down at her... knowing what had led her to this... knowing that after years of want and denial, there WAS a chance for something more with her... it was one temptation too many to resist.

Dib tried to speak, but his voice died before he could make a sound. All he could do was nod numbly, his face a brilliant shade of scarlet, more terrified and excited than he had ever felt before this moment.

Tak didn't smile. She gazed up at him stonily and let out a relieved sounding sigh. "Good. Thank you," she said. Without another word she took him by the hand and tugged, beckoning him to follow, and Dib followed obediently as she led him through the depths of the lab, towards the nearest elevator.

Back to where this whole mess first began.


End file.
